This has been on my mind a lot as of late. There are 2 kinds of hanging on as I see it. The first is hanging on to things for longer than they are useful because it is easier than letting go, free falling into the unknown and risking the chance of failing. The other is giving up when the going gets tough because it may not be worth the trials for the pay off. This weekend may have changed my perspective some on which is which and what the coping mechanism is.
In the last over a month I have been working on exercising, and loosing the dreaded huge amount of fat that I want to loose. I have been successful, though perhaps moderately. This is nothing new. It is a familiar cycle I find myself in, Work hard, see progress, take a "break", back slide, get mad because it did not work. It is hardly something new. Sometimes it is easier to give up, than to keep going. Sometimes the answer is that it is just not right, and so forcing things is harder than letting them go and walking away. Sometimes giving up is the right thing to do.
We don't like that idea though. Countless times in the past I have heard speeches from people who wish to inspire basically saying "Congratulations for making it this far, not many people do, so you must be something special." I have always wondered, is this true, or is it a way of motivating people to think that they are the best and no one else can do what they are doing. I have heard it at workplaces, and about dojo's and parts of the military. You are the best, and have the most dedication. You are more dedicated and discipline than anyone else. (Thus you are better, we are left to assume)
Yesterday, I heard it in a meeting but it was different. Basically it went like this: "Things are not going to get easier, they will likely get harder." (implication that if now was too much later would be worse) "You have to ask yourself if it is worth it to stay and deal with that, or is it time to go somewhere else." After the meeting I took a good long walk. (would have made it the 6 miles home had my wife not picked me up) I have found that just walking, even if it is in 100 degree heat helps me sort my thoughts. So yesterday I wondered when is it right to stay with it, fight with it, realizing it is only going to get harder, and when is it OK to throw in the towel and walk away.
I have had plenty of times in the past when I choose the second option. Things got real, there was no way I would win, so I walked away. Jobs, Relationships, hobbies, what started out fun for it's own sake turned to frustration at the way in which it was going, and so I walked away. Sometimes it was not a full walk away, but walking away from a task or a part of something. When I got frustrated with not being able to meet the physical requirements for my sword rank advancements, I essentially said, "There is no way I will be in the shape required so I can pass them, so I will stop trying to advance in class rank."
Walking away was always on the table. Get written up for something at work, which means years of hard work meaning little since the write up was now in my file? Walk away, the job was not worth it and I could find something else. Walking away can be healthy, though we do not talk that way. In sword if someone starts then leaves, it is something against them, not, maybe it is not their thing. All the while patting ourselves on the back for being the "Survivors" or "More Hardcore". We are the people who feel that we are the best, and only if you walk our way can you be the best. Frankly it is bull.
I have walked away from a lot of things. Sometimes I wrote it off as taking a break, but it was walking away. There is nothing wrong with it. What is wrong is the idea that if you do not do ABC then you are not as cool or great as we are, but that feels like a part of the human condition we have to overcome.
On Sunday I went on a hike. It was a warm day and the trail was rocky. Walking into it I thought it was going to be a quick easy hike up to a pretty lake, then a beer and lunch then back down. After 2 hours on the trail. the 3.25 miles felt like it was forever. When we got, there it was one of the most beautiful lakes I remember seeing, added to that is was that it felt like it was so hard that it added to the beauty. When I was half way down, I was ready to quit, but funny thing about it, at that point I had no choice but to keep going.
I could have quit any time. I could have walked up taken a look at the inclines and simply given up. That was an option. There would have been nothing wrong with that. I would have missed out at the top, but I did not know the pay off, so would not have known any better.
But I think that is the point. Someone once told me that you had to decide what it was that you wanted and say no to everything that may get in the way of that. In the past, I have said no to a lot of things when I was "Taking a break".
I am done with that crap. It's OK to give up, it is not OK to give up and complain about it. It is OK to say no, or not today, but it is not OK to say no, then complain about not getting to see the lake. What matters most of all is to ask "is this where I want to go, is this part of something I truly desire?" and if it is not walk away, and be OK with walking away so you can get the things you need. It is not easy, but it is OK. If I had not walked away from one job to another years ago, I would not have met the people I did, or learned what I did. It's OK to walk away, just do not complain when others see the lake and you don't get to.
On Sunday I went on a hike. It was a warm day and the trail was rocky. Walking into it I thought it was going to be a quick easy hike up to a pretty lake, then a beer and lunch then back down. After 2 hours on the trail. the 3.25 miles felt like it was forever. When we got, there it was one of the most beautiful lakes I remember seeing, added to that is was that it felt like it was so hard that it added to the beauty. When I was half way down, I was ready to quit, but funny thing about it, at that point I had no choice but to keep going.
I could have quit any time. I could have walked up taken a look at the inclines and simply given up. That was an option. There would have been nothing wrong with that. I would have missed out at the top, but I did not know the pay off, so would not have known any better.
But I think that is the point. Someone once told me that you had to decide what it was that you wanted and say no to everything that may get in the way of that. In the past, I have said no to a lot of things when I was "Taking a break".
I am done with that crap. It's OK to give up, it is not OK to give up and complain about it. It is OK to say no, or not today, but it is not OK to say no, then complain about not getting to see the lake. What matters most of all is to ask "is this where I want to go, is this part of something I truly desire?" and if it is not walk away, and be OK with walking away so you can get the things you need. It is not easy, but it is OK. If I had not walked away from one job to another years ago, I would not have met the people I did, or learned what I did. It's OK to walk away, just do not complain when others see the lake and you don't get to.
