Sunday, May 23, 2021

460 and beyond

 Day 460 of daily intentional exercise in the books. At this point my plan is to just keep going until Combat Con if not past it. (Why not?)

But why do this? Why is this important to me, what does it prove, why does it matter?
This all began, as some of you know at a low point in my training and practice after an event. I did not do as well as I wanted to. It was not really that bad, I looked at the numbers recently and my losses were not huge, and most of the time, keeping my defense strong lead to matches going to time, which is in my mind a win. I felt defeated though truth or not, so I came back home partially discouraged, partially lifted up by others who had told me how much they believe in me and how they like having me around.

I decided the day I got back that though I felt defeated, the only way to come back and do better would be to train myself more. It can't come from someone else, I have to get up and do the work every day. It could not be just more classes, it had to be something I did for me internally.

But why Intentional exercise, what does that mean to the equation?
When I take time out of my day to train, I am in essence saying that this has value to me. I am saying that exercise is a way that I honor my body, despite all its flaws. It is not always easy, sometimes it is short exercise sessions but the key is to keep going. The intention is about being in the right head space. When I train and am distracted, I just don't do as well. This is the case with cutting, sparring or even video game exercise things. when I am thinking about other things, when my mid is on something else I falter. In sparring this can be as simple as thinking about how bad or well I am doing in the match or how the last exchange went, I can't let that rule me or my opponent is in my head space.

I realized a long time ago a problem with consistent training. If I tried hard and failed, I could point to my training as a reason why I failed. If I didn't, I always had the excuse that if I HAD trained harder I would do better. It is a weird thought. I didn't do well, because I didn't train enough, but if I had, I am just so great that I would dominate. The flaw is that sometimes, things outside of your control happen and you get to decide what to do about it. Somedays you will simply be the best fighter on the field and it is hard to come to terms with that. Some days, as hard as you work the cards are stacked against you and push as you want to, you will not walk away with cheers and accolades.

I am done with that thinking. Some days I do not want to do the work. I am over a year in and somedays I just don't feel like doing it. Then I come back to my promise to myself, I will do the work, and the chips will fall where they do. I have a local tournament in a few weeks. After that I have Combat Con a month later. The reality is I may not win medals at either. I am not the only one pushing myself, training my mind and body to do better, but at very least I can leave it all on the field and give it my best when those days come.

"Except when you don't, because sometimes you won't"- Dr. Seuss
I can't expect to win all the time when I am not willing to put in the work. There is not such a thing as "I have been training for X years so I simply deserve to win." It does not matter how good a teacher I am or how great a guy I am, if I am not willing to push myself harder to reach my goals I really can't expect to be better with time. I may not win, but if I am not willing to train to do better if I win it is just because I had good luck that day, and that is not something to be proud of.

So where do I go from here?
Forward. That is the only direction we really can go. I have fallen in the past, I have made mistakes, but if I am not willing to push harder next time, and keep going, I am stuck in a place where I can't win, and all things being equal, I probably shouldn't. The goal is to keep working, the goal is to keep training and pushing myself to do better, the goal is to do my best every day. I cannot promise it will make a hill of beans of difference, but unless I give it my all, how will I know for sure?