Sean William,
(Man it feels good to address you that way kiddo!)
As you know, I have been out of work since the beginning of August and it is starting to be a drain on me. On one hand, it has been good for training as I have spent a lot of time thinking and doing sword drills by myself, on the other, it would be nice to have a source of income especially with you coming so soon. For the last couple of weeks I have been working at the Utah State Fair, so that has been something to help with it. Now that is over and today I went back to my solo training at the gym. But what have I learned in all of this?
Your training is like a toolbox, that is universal whether you do a sword related sport, or something else, you train so you have the best options and tools at arms reach when you find that you need to use them. The problem is that if you do not train with something for awhile it becomes harder to remember just how it works so the key as I see it is to train some very core essentials that apply more often than not. If you train your footwork in sword for example, when it comes time to cover distance, or move out of the way of your opponents weapon, you will not have to think consciously about it and can simply do.
Drills suck, but they are incredibly important.
I took a break from training for the fair, but today I was back in the gym hitting it again. When I was training a few weeks back I was in a match where I faced an opponent who I wanted to move around. What I found is I had made that step, hundreds if not a couple of thousand times so when I wanted to cut to the right I already knew in my body what I needed to do to get there. That is what drills do for you. They build that memory in your body so you do not have to think "I want to move to the right while cutting here, how do I do that?" and more "cut with this step." Last night at fencing I found that we were doing a drill and I had done lunges so many times that I felt my form was good and all I had to do was think, Lunge. I did with the right form.
Don't over complicate things.
Some things are complicated, you do X they do Y you counter with Z, they counter with B and so on. But when you are training, train each of the things on it's own but know how to transition. That is all. In class we often say that we train for the ideal situation, but you will only see that maybe 1% of the time. Complicated looks cool, but the more things you are adding in the more things can go wrong, keep your training simple, work on things that have wide application, like breathing with cuts and you will be much better off than if you are forcing things.
In the last 2 weeks I have done a lot more cutting than I ever have and I found out some very basic things. The first is when I cut, if I feel like I have to force it or am forcing things through, it is not as good as when, for lack of a better term, I let the cut happen I take a breath in, then as I breathe out I let the motion happen. If you focus too much on forcing things to happen, it is going to be much harder than if you let it happen. Do not be afraid of taking a breath sometimes, taking in what is going on and moving with it. This is not just a sword thing. When I broke my wrist in jr High it was because I was trying to keep my arms strong and braced for a fall. If I had flexed them more, I could have spread the fall and not been hurt so bad. Sometimes you just have to let go of trying to control things and just follow them. Breathe often, and if you are stressed or feel like you have to force something, take a good 3 or 4 breaths and then come back to it.
Your value is not predicated on the job you do. (Though sometimes that is tied to a particular pay grade) Your value is not dependent on who will and who will not be your friend. Your value is not in the things you have. Your value is in who you are. What others think about you should not define you though it is sometimes good feedback and you get to choose what to do with that. It will seem like you are in the world alone even when you have people supporting you. You are the only one who can really choose what your value is and what you are going to do with it. There will be voices from all over who will tell you to do this or that, but you are going to have to figure out what is your way, then do that. As long as you are following what you feel is right, you will be fine. There will be choices that you have to make, do you do the thing you love and get paid less to do it, or the thing you are not a fan of but it gives you the time or resources to do what you love. You will have to decide, but know that as long as you are being authentic and honest, there is nothing you cannot accomplish somehow.
-Dad
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Friday, September 11, 2015
40 days: Why the Utah state fair matters to me.
Sean,
You are now 40 days from us. I have been working at the Utah State Fair long hours for the last few days, but as I was working at the Utah's own Taste of Utah event today, I thought I needed to write why the fair matters to me, why I come back every year, and why it is important to me that there is a fair every year.
Does the Utah State Fair matter?
A long time ago, the state fair was a place to celebrate the
accomplishments of all of us together. It was a place to showcase new and
exciting things, the next thing that would revolutionize the world, or change
the face of your home forever. It was the place where bragging rights were won
or lost for the rest of the year. “You may have won the blue ribbon at the
county fair Martha, but I won the blue ribbon at the State fair!” The county fair was a show; the state fair
was the BIG show.
Before we were so connected by the internet and cell phones,
the state fair was a place for all of us to come together and to truly see the
best the state has to offer. The smell of roasted sweet corn and the sounds of
goats and cows filled the brisk evening air. One could ask in the world where
everything is digital and we don’t do anything without our cell phones, or
social media, do we need a state fair anymore? But the truth is in this day and
age, when we are so connected online, we need real interaction now more than we
ever have.
When a 1st grader has never seen a cow or a
litter of piglets except on TV or in a book, we need a state fair. It is a nod
to our agricultural roots, and a reason to come together no matter where in the
state we come from. As a state, our backgrounds may divide us by city or county,
but at the state fair we are one common people, one common state. With as much
as divides us, the state fair unites us. There are hundreds of celebrations,
fairs and shows throughout the year, but only one that celebrates our state and
who we are as a common people and that, that alone is worth saving.
It is worth saving not just for ourselves but for the
generations who will come after us. It is the heritage of our state we are preserving
and the future of our state that we are promoting. A cell phone will never give
you the experience riding a ride will, or winning a prize for your sweetheart,
or biting into a freshly dipped corn dog, or replace the look on a toddlers face
their first time seeing a goat, or a pig, or a sheep, or a cow in person. (Or
animal)
The state fair matters because we need to come together to
remember where we came from, and where we are capable of going if we work
together to preserve it. The state fair
is not another show, it is a piece of our living legacy handed to us from the
generations who preceded us, and one we can give to all of the generations who
will come after us.
-Jordan R Hinckley
(-Dad)
Sunday, September 6, 2015
45 days: What's in a name?
Punchy,
One little thing to get this started. I have decided to post a blog when I feel there is something to say as I am starting to feel like writing every day turns out sub par posts that sometimes are all on the same thing. Sometimes you have to adjust the what you agree on because it just does not fit things and you have to readjust your commitment so you are in integrity. That is a part of being a responsible person in life. But enough on that, on to the blog for tonight.
To say that your mom and I came to your name quickly and easily would be a lie. For some things in life, names, and indeed words themselves come easily. Some names you choose yourself, some are chosen for you by others. We started talking about names before you were even conceived, and had many different rules that we both agreed on. You will know many people in your life with many strange and different names. Your mom and I wanted to give you something that leaned more traditional, but something with some options as to what you choose to be called, or some options that people could easily call you. We wanted something simple, but something that you could live with for all of your life.
Your mom is fond of saying you never know how many people you do not like until you go to name your child. We spent weeks going through names that we liked, throwing out names of people we dated even before we knew you were a boy. We wanted your name to be something that we did not have connections to, no naming you directly after someone who you would grow up knowing. We wanted to name you something that was in the family, and once we found some things that were on both sides those were given heavier weight as we liked that. We went through entire baby name books and pulled from them half a dozen that we liked. Compiled and re-compiled and combined them. Looked for people in popular media that we knew of with that name and decided if that connection mattered or was any good. In short we took a lot of time to decide just what we would call you.
Your mom is named Cindy but growing up and still today people sometimes think her real name is Cynthia. Your Grandma Judy growing up and sometimes and still today people think her name is Judith. Your Aunt Maggie is named Margaret, while your uncle Mark, goes by Mark within the Stephenson family and Richard outside of it. We wanted to make sure you had options, but when thinking like that we also had to think like 1st graders and think of what rhyming things we could make up to make fun of your name. Chuck is a great name, but if you have ever played the name game you know it ends not so well there. I have always thought that if your last name is something that when combined with your first name, your parents should have been more careful when naming you. If your last name is Butts, Seymour is not a good first name, things like that. Initials also fall into this category.
We may call you several things. It is possible that we have gone through variations on the names we call you but I feel we have found something with options, that fits all of our criteria while still giving you a name that we feel is good, strong, and something we hope you love, even if you do not like it in your teenage years (This is not as uncommon as you, or your friends think it may be, even if you feel like you are the first to come up with it, you are not.) When I worked at the hospital I had people call me boss, and Jefe, and sometimes Mr Jordan. Your mom even calls me Jojo sometimes as that is her name for me. these are things people give you but if you do not feel like they fit say something.
This brings me to names that you choose. Most of your grandparents, and great aunts and great uncles have a name you call them. When I choose to go by dad, I am not sure where it came from just that I felt it was something I liked. Same with your mom. I called your Pompa, Papa growing up, and your Grandma Judy, Mama (though it sometime changed to mother, we really do not remember when or how) Tonight at your Great Aunt Mary's Birthday your Grandma Stephenson told us she wanted to be called Ama which is Icelandic for Grandma, and your Grandpa Stephenson agreed to Rocky (We have witnesses Richard!) I have friends who go by things that are nothing like their names but it is what they prefer to be called. This is OK too and something that you may one day decide to do or not for yourself. When your cousin Emily was in high school she went by Toby or Oktober. I sometimes go by Dragon or Dragon Fyre as it was my swordsmans name, given to me by my first sword instructor. These are things we choose for ourselves but at the end of the day we all have legally binding names that we are to the state or federal government and only a legal name change modifies that.
We wanted to give you something that had some history, but we loved. Your first name is something that has not been on either side ever, until you as far as we know. We love the name and do not have strong connections to it from people in our past to color any otherwise. We have both known and still know some but do not have bad connections to it differently. Originally we only looked at one middle name but decided on two.Your first middle name is one of the most popular names over the last century, but was also family names on both sides of my family, and both sides of your moms. Your second middle name is something that is also on both of my family sides and a name your mom is strongly connected to on her side. After we decided on it we realized that it matches the tune of John-Jacob-Jingleheimer-schmitt and as a result we have been singing it to you for awhile now.
A name is what you make it, we are only giving you the bones, you will have to decide what you are going to do with it. If someone calls you something you do not like, it is your choice how to respond to it but ultimately, you will pick what you call yourself, and the way you are called by others. There is never a reason to be ashamed of your name, it is something you are born with and unless you feel it does not and cannot fit, it is something you will have for life. It is not something we took lightly as to us, it mattered what you were named as we know that it will be your name for life and that means it is a lot of pressure on us to do it the right way, for your sake.
we love you Sean William Martin Hinckley,
-Dad
One little thing to get this started. I have decided to post a blog when I feel there is something to say as I am starting to feel like writing every day turns out sub par posts that sometimes are all on the same thing. Sometimes you have to adjust the what you agree on because it just does not fit things and you have to readjust your commitment so you are in integrity. That is a part of being a responsible person in life. But enough on that, on to the blog for tonight.
To say that your mom and I came to your name quickly and easily would be a lie. For some things in life, names, and indeed words themselves come easily. Some names you choose yourself, some are chosen for you by others. We started talking about names before you were even conceived, and had many different rules that we both agreed on. You will know many people in your life with many strange and different names. Your mom and I wanted to give you something that leaned more traditional, but something with some options as to what you choose to be called, or some options that people could easily call you. We wanted something simple, but something that you could live with for all of your life.
Your mom is fond of saying you never know how many people you do not like until you go to name your child. We spent weeks going through names that we liked, throwing out names of people we dated even before we knew you were a boy. We wanted your name to be something that we did not have connections to, no naming you directly after someone who you would grow up knowing. We wanted to name you something that was in the family, and once we found some things that were on both sides those were given heavier weight as we liked that. We went through entire baby name books and pulled from them half a dozen that we liked. Compiled and re-compiled and combined them. Looked for people in popular media that we knew of with that name and decided if that connection mattered or was any good. In short we took a lot of time to decide just what we would call you.
Your mom is named Cindy but growing up and still today people sometimes think her real name is Cynthia. Your Grandma Judy growing up and sometimes and still today people think her name is Judith. Your Aunt Maggie is named Margaret, while your uncle Mark, goes by Mark within the Stephenson family and Richard outside of it. We wanted to make sure you had options, but when thinking like that we also had to think like 1st graders and think of what rhyming things we could make up to make fun of your name. Chuck is a great name, but if you have ever played the name game you know it ends not so well there. I have always thought that if your last name is something that when combined with your first name, your parents should have been more careful when naming you. If your last name is Butts, Seymour is not a good first name, things like that. Initials also fall into this category.
We may call you several things. It is possible that we have gone through variations on the names we call you but I feel we have found something with options, that fits all of our criteria while still giving you a name that we feel is good, strong, and something we hope you love, even if you do not like it in your teenage years (This is not as uncommon as you, or your friends think it may be, even if you feel like you are the first to come up with it, you are not.) When I worked at the hospital I had people call me boss, and Jefe, and sometimes Mr Jordan. Your mom even calls me Jojo sometimes as that is her name for me. these are things people give you but if you do not feel like they fit say something.
This brings me to names that you choose. Most of your grandparents, and great aunts and great uncles have a name you call them. When I choose to go by dad, I am not sure where it came from just that I felt it was something I liked. Same with your mom. I called your Pompa, Papa growing up, and your Grandma Judy, Mama (though it sometime changed to mother, we really do not remember when or how) Tonight at your Great Aunt Mary's Birthday your Grandma Stephenson told us she wanted to be called Ama which is Icelandic for Grandma, and your Grandpa Stephenson agreed to Rocky (We have witnesses Richard!) I have friends who go by things that are nothing like their names but it is what they prefer to be called. This is OK too and something that you may one day decide to do or not for yourself. When your cousin Emily was in high school she went by Toby or Oktober. I sometimes go by Dragon or Dragon Fyre as it was my swordsmans name, given to me by my first sword instructor. These are things we choose for ourselves but at the end of the day we all have legally binding names that we are to the state or federal government and only a legal name change modifies that.
We wanted to give you something that had some history, but we loved. Your first name is something that has not been on either side ever, until you as far as we know. We love the name and do not have strong connections to it from people in our past to color any otherwise. We have both known and still know some but do not have bad connections to it differently. Originally we only looked at one middle name but decided on two.Your first middle name is one of the most popular names over the last century, but was also family names on both sides of my family, and both sides of your moms. Your second middle name is something that is also on both of my family sides and a name your mom is strongly connected to on her side. After we decided on it we realized that it matches the tune of John-Jacob-Jingleheimer-schmitt and as a result we have been singing it to you for awhile now.
A name is what you make it, we are only giving you the bones, you will have to decide what you are going to do with it. If someone calls you something you do not like, it is your choice how to respond to it but ultimately, you will pick what you call yourself, and the way you are called by others. There is never a reason to be ashamed of your name, it is something you are born with and unless you feel it does not and cannot fit, it is something you will have for life. It is not something we took lightly as to us, it mattered what you were named as we know that it will be your name for life and that means it is a lot of pressure on us to do it the right way, for your sake.
we love you Sean William Martin Hinckley,
-Dad
Thursday, September 3, 2015
48 days feeling superior vs acting that way.
Punchy,
As of this morning your mom is 33 weeks pregnant. I am not sure how it will be but we are excited to see you when you are ready to come.
Last night I was talking to your mom about some things and there were a couple of things that came up that I feel I need to write about the next couple of days. Today we will talk about feeling superior and acting that way.
In life, you will make choices or have an opinion which you feel is the right one. You make like a certain brand of car or another, or think that taking this class or that one is better, you may even believe that doing things a certain way is the better way to do it. It is human nature to do something, or believe something and believe that it makes you better than others. There is a lot of talk about discrimination but some of that is built into who we are as humans. Telling the difference between people helped us in our history. I will not say that you will not feel that what you believe or do is better than what others believe or do but I will tell you this. You are expected to treat people as your equal no matter what.
People will not always agree with what you believe or do. I cannot say that I always will believe the same or agree with your choices, but I respect your right to do it. You may think that this brand of car is better than that, or this sport is better than that one, or that your classes are better or make you smarter than someone else. However you have no right to treat someone as your lesser as a result of it. Let me say this again to be perfectly clear. You have the right to feel superior. that is part of being human, what you do not is treating someone as lesser as a result of it.
If you have a friend who is of a certain faith and you are not of that faith, you may feel that you are right and they are wrong. Your feelings are allowed, what is not is for you to treat them any less because of it. You may have a friend who says Fords are the best cars, and you think Dodge is better. You do not have to agree, yes you can make little jokes about it but you are not allowed to call them stupid or get into fights about it because you do not agree.
Discussion is a good thing, talking about the virtues of both is a good thing, and eventually you may have to come to a place where you do not agree but walk away from the argument for the sake of keeping friendships. I have many people in my life that I do not agree with, they share some opinions I do not feel are the right ones, but rather than throwing them out of my life completely, I listen to it, hear what they have to say, and if I do not find value in it, let it go. Why keep these friendships if I do not agree 100% with them? Because there is something that we DO have in common like sword, or Heavy Athletics, or a shared history, and it is better to have allies I may not agree 100% with than to be alone in what seems to feel like a huge world already.
Think what you will. Speak it if you must, but I will not ever put up with you treating someone less than you are because they do not agree with you. You may love the arts and think that math is dumb, but do not treat those who love it less than you. As we have talked about before you are allowed to dislike the opinion someone has, you may dislike their actions, but never treat them as your inferiors unless you wish to be treated as such by others. When I was working at the U I had a team, each of them "worked for me" but the moment I acted like they were my inferiors, I lost their respect. We all had different jobs, and I was responsible for the work they did, but that did not make me better or higher than they were, just different. Embrace the differences. You may think of feel you are better than your peers, but treat others as your equals and they are more likely to do the same to you.
It may not always work, but you must do what you can, treat people as your equals and they will rise to the occasion, or at least you can walk away knowing that you did not treat them as your lessers when no man is your lesser. We all have talents, we all have things that make us, us, we all are different, but in that never, treat someone less because they are different from you.
-Dad
As of this morning your mom is 33 weeks pregnant. I am not sure how it will be but we are excited to see you when you are ready to come.
Last night I was talking to your mom about some things and there were a couple of things that came up that I feel I need to write about the next couple of days. Today we will talk about feeling superior and acting that way.
In life, you will make choices or have an opinion which you feel is the right one. You make like a certain brand of car or another, or think that taking this class or that one is better, you may even believe that doing things a certain way is the better way to do it. It is human nature to do something, or believe something and believe that it makes you better than others. There is a lot of talk about discrimination but some of that is built into who we are as humans. Telling the difference between people helped us in our history. I will not say that you will not feel that what you believe or do is better than what others believe or do but I will tell you this. You are expected to treat people as your equal no matter what.
People will not always agree with what you believe or do. I cannot say that I always will believe the same or agree with your choices, but I respect your right to do it. You may think that this brand of car is better than that, or this sport is better than that one, or that your classes are better or make you smarter than someone else. However you have no right to treat someone as your lesser as a result of it. Let me say this again to be perfectly clear. You have the right to feel superior. that is part of being human, what you do not is treating someone as lesser as a result of it.
If you have a friend who is of a certain faith and you are not of that faith, you may feel that you are right and they are wrong. Your feelings are allowed, what is not is for you to treat them any less because of it. You may have a friend who says Fords are the best cars, and you think Dodge is better. You do not have to agree, yes you can make little jokes about it but you are not allowed to call them stupid or get into fights about it because you do not agree.
Discussion is a good thing, talking about the virtues of both is a good thing, and eventually you may have to come to a place where you do not agree but walk away from the argument for the sake of keeping friendships. I have many people in my life that I do not agree with, they share some opinions I do not feel are the right ones, but rather than throwing them out of my life completely, I listen to it, hear what they have to say, and if I do not find value in it, let it go. Why keep these friendships if I do not agree 100% with them? Because there is something that we DO have in common like sword, or Heavy Athletics, or a shared history, and it is better to have allies I may not agree 100% with than to be alone in what seems to feel like a huge world already.
Think what you will. Speak it if you must, but I will not ever put up with you treating someone less than you are because they do not agree with you. You may love the arts and think that math is dumb, but do not treat those who love it less than you. As we have talked about before you are allowed to dislike the opinion someone has, you may dislike their actions, but never treat them as your inferiors unless you wish to be treated as such by others. When I was working at the U I had a team, each of them "worked for me" but the moment I acted like they were my inferiors, I lost their respect. We all had different jobs, and I was responsible for the work they did, but that did not make me better or higher than they were, just different. Embrace the differences. You may think of feel you are better than your peers, but treat others as your equals and they are more likely to do the same to you.
It may not always work, but you must do what you can, treat people as your equals and they will rise to the occasion, or at least you can walk away knowing that you did not treat them as your lessers when no man is your lesser. We all have talents, we all have things that make us, us, we all are different, but in that never, treat someone less because they are different from you.
-Dad
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
49 days Don't get away from your core.
Punchy,
Yesterday I interviewed for a job, today I found out that I did not get it. Over the last few weeks I have been in a bit of a funk. I am trying to figure out what it is that I want to do. On one hand I can dive back in and do the same or a similar job again, on the other it is a question of do I do something else.
Focus on what is core to you. I am not sure where I will end up for jobs, but it is a question of looking at things I enjoy and am good at doing. I took some time today to think about what I love to do and am good at and here is what I came up with. I love Sword. (Duh!) I love to teach and educate people on history and the things I love like sword. I love to have a job well done. When I started doing floor care I always took pride in walking away knowing that they looked better because I had worked on them and had done the job the right way. It is easy to cut corners, but the satisfaction of a job well done cannot be understated.
When I am working in the shop, I like to have things done the right way. There is no pride in doing it in a way that will do for now but you have to fix later, the only exception to that is when there is a deadline and you need something that functions but is not finished only to come back to it later.
I like to write, and sometimes can be pretty good at it. So why not just build things in the shop? The challenge as I see it is that I love to build things but do not want to spend my whole time making a bunch of one or 2 items repeatedly then try to sell them.
I love sword, but I am not ready for the step where I teach it full time. There are some things that I have to do before I am ready, the least of which is that in class I am not an Instructor yet, that is a big word, but it has a lot of meaning to me. We are not in a place where we are ready yet. I am also not in a place where I can teach history in schools full time yet, so at this point I am looking for something to pay the bills until I am ready for those steps.
Do what you believe in, what is core to you. I enjoy all of these things, and will do what I need to so we keep a roof over our heads, but at this point I am looking for something that will allow me to do what I love. It is a hard place to be but I have to have some faith that it will work out, no matter what that means.
Love you Kiddo-
-Dad
Yesterday I interviewed for a job, today I found out that I did not get it. Over the last few weeks I have been in a bit of a funk. I am trying to figure out what it is that I want to do. On one hand I can dive back in and do the same or a similar job again, on the other it is a question of do I do something else.
Focus on what is core to you. I am not sure where I will end up for jobs, but it is a question of looking at things I enjoy and am good at doing. I took some time today to think about what I love to do and am good at and here is what I came up with. I love Sword. (Duh!) I love to teach and educate people on history and the things I love like sword. I love to have a job well done. When I started doing floor care I always took pride in walking away knowing that they looked better because I had worked on them and had done the job the right way. It is easy to cut corners, but the satisfaction of a job well done cannot be understated.
When I am working in the shop, I like to have things done the right way. There is no pride in doing it in a way that will do for now but you have to fix later, the only exception to that is when there is a deadline and you need something that functions but is not finished only to come back to it later.
I like to write, and sometimes can be pretty good at it. So why not just build things in the shop? The challenge as I see it is that I love to build things but do not want to spend my whole time making a bunch of one or 2 items repeatedly then try to sell them.
I love sword, but I am not ready for the step where I teach it full time. There are some things that I have to do before I am ready, the least of which is that in class I am not an Instructor yet, that is a big word, but it has a lot of meaning to me. We are not in a place where we are ready yet. I am also not in a place where I can teach history in schools full time yet, so at this point I am looking for something to pay the bills until I am ready for those steps.
Do what you believe in, what is core to you. I enjoy all of these things, and will do what I need to so we keep a roof over our heads, but at this point I am looking for something that will allow me to do what I love. It is a hard place to be but I have to have some faith that it will work out, no matter what that means.
Love you Kiddo-
-Dad
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
50 days Make promises you can keep
Punchy,
I understand the Irony on this post. I am posting it just a day after I missed several days of blogs and decided I will not go back and write them. Yes, I promised you I would write every day but life happened and here we are.
It is now the beginning of September. Today I caught up on work outs, then got ready and went to an interview at Ogden Regional Hospital. Overall I think it went well but if I do get it, it will mean some big changes for our life for awhile that I had not planned on. Here is the lesson today, if you promise something to someone follow through, or if you have to change it because things come up, tell them or make sure they know. You cannot always follow through on everything you promise, but you can let people know if you need to change the terms of the promise. If you say you are going to be somewhere then can't tell them you won't so they know what is going on. Life is like that.
Sometimes you may find that you have deadlines that no matter how hard you work to meet them they just won't happen. Things come up, life happens, and you have to change plans. It happens some times, but where it is not ok is when you change plans and do not tell anyone involved that you had to. Lets say you had planned to take someone out on a date, you had talked about it for days and finally the day arrives, you ask to use the car and for whatever reason you can't or you have problems with your car, or work calls you in or something. Life's little stuff will come up, sometimes at the worst times. When that happens do what you can to do what you said you would, but if you just can't make sure that you communicate that as well.
If you tell someone you will be at their party, show up, or let them know why you can't when you know. If you are going to miss the deadline, tell the person you agreed about it to that you will miss it and when you will be able to meet it. Lots of things in life are negotiable, not everything, but some things. If you must promise to do something or meet a deadline, do it, or say why you cannot. Doing that is being in integrity.
Before I had even met your mom in person we were supposed to meet one Saturday afternoon after a family party she had done and when sword was over. I came home and fell into a sword coma and did not talk to her until after it was too late. That day I nearly lost the chance to meet her at all as she saw that action as flaky, and she did not want to date someone who forgot or let things like that slip by. Had I talked to her before it would have been better but I did not and as a result we almost never met.
Make promises, then keep them. Or if you can't tell the person you made the promise to what your plan is. You will not be as respected for this as if you had kept your promise, but it will go a long way towards keeping respect you have with people if you tell the truth about the promise then if you give them something to keep them hoping only to fail them later. If you tell someone you will take them on a date, do it or don't promise it. If I have learned anything from my time dating, it is that it is better to tell the truth than to say something to make someone feel better then never follow through. Be accountable to yourself, and to others. Only make promises you know you can keep.
Does that mean that you never make promises? Nope, it means that if you say I will do X on Saturday you do it, or renegotiate. If you are not sure if you will have time tell them you think you can but you are not sure you can do so. Make sure they know what is your word, and what you possibly may not be able to do. Make it clear so they do not build plans into it. but let them know either way as soon as you can.
-Dad
I understand the Irony on this post. I am posting it just a day after I missed several days of blogs and decided I will not go back and write them. Yes, I promised you I would write every day but life happened and here we are.
It is now the beginning of September. Today I caught up on work outs, then got ready and went to an interview at Ogden Regional Hospital. Overall I think it went well but if I do get it, it will mean some big changes for our life for awhile that I had not planned on. Here is the lesson today, if you promise something to someone follow through, or if you have to change it because things come up, tell them or make sure they know. You cannot always follow through on everything you promise, but you can let people know if you need to change the terms of the promise. If you say you are going to be somewhere then can't tell them you won't so they know what is going on. Life is like that.
Sometimes you may find that you have deadlines that no matter how hard you work to meet them they just won't happen. Things come up, life happens, and you have to change plans. It happens some times, but where it is not ok is when you change plans and do not tell anyone involved that you had to. Lets say you had planned to take someone out on a date, you had talked about it for days and finally the day arrives, you ask to use the car and for whatever reason you can't or you have problems with your car, or work calls you in or something. Life's little stuff will come up, sometimes at the worst times. When that happens do what you can to do what you said you would, but if you just can't make sure that you communicate that as well.
If you tell someone you will be at their party, show up, or let them know why you can't when you know. If you are going to miss the deadline, tell the person you agreed about it to that you will miss it and when you will be able to meet it. Lots of things in life are negotiable, not everything, but some things. If you must promise to do something or meet a deadline, do it, or say why you cannot. Doing that is being in integrity.
Before I had even met your mom in person we were supposed to meet one Saturday afternoon after a family party she had done and when sword was over. I came home and fell into a sword coma and did not talk to her until after it was too late. That day I nearly lost the chance to meet her at all as she saw that action as flaky, and she did not want to date someone who forgot or let things like that slip by. Had I talked to her before it would have been better but I did not and as a result we almost never met.
Make promises, then keep them. Or if you can't tell the person you made the promise to what your plan is. You will not be as respected for this as if you had kept your promise, but it will go a long way towards keeping respect you have with people if you tell the truth about the promise then if you give them something to keep them hoping only to fail them later. If you tell someone you will take them on a date, do it or don't promise it. If I have learned anything from my time dating, it is that it is better to tell the truth than to say something to make someone feel better then never follow through. Be accountable to yourself, and to others. Only make promises you know you can keep.
Does that mean that you never make promises? Nope, it means that if you say I will do X on Saturday you do it, or renegotiate. If you are not sure if you will have time tell them you think you can but you are not sure you can do so. Make sure they know what is your word, and what you possibly may not be able to do. Make it clear so they do not build plans into it. but let them know either way as soon as you can.
-Dad
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