I have not always been so kind to those who do not agree with me. On more than one occasion I have been known to point out others hypocrisy. (You say you are Christian, but Jesus said to love thy neighbor, you say you are Christian, but Jesus said to pray in private and you will be rewarded openly. ETC) This is not my place, nor is it the place of anyone else to tell you how you should be to be what you say you are. I may see the double standard but I will let it go. There is a problem with "Proving" people wrong. you never really do, at least not with their rhetoric. If I point out that you are Pro-life yet for the death penalty, it does not suddenly make me a better person.
My point is this. It is better for a man to do be in integrity with his word. I cannot make anyone else do that but I can do that for myself. It is not my place to point out where people are not being in integrity, but rather to be a good person onto myself.
I will still disagree with things you say and do. but there is no need to point to them and show you that you are not doing as you say. That will not win me points with anyone, and certainly will not show them the error in their ways. If you want to be a crappy Christian, fine, that is between the God you believe in and you. It is not my place to point out when you are being a hypocrite, that is not going to show you the light. I will stand for what I believe is right, but I will not resort to Ad Hominem attacks to do it.
In my mind it is more important to be a good person than to say you are and not act that way. In that way, I have been wrong. It is wrong of me to judge others and then be mad when I am judged. That is something personal to me, they are my own demons I have to wrestle, but it is not my place to point yours out, nor is it yours to point out mine.
Wouldn't it be great if I did not have to wear my religion on my sleeve for you to think I am a good person? Wouldn't it be great for you not to judge me by what I say I do, but by the things I actually do? Wouldn't it be a better world if I your opinions of me had nothing to do with who I vote for or how I am registered to vote but rather based on my actions and deeds? I for one am done with it these anyway.
Rather than proving to you I am a good person it is far better for me to be one.
If you do not agree, it is none of my business, but I am not made a better person because I wear my faith on my sleeve. I would rather meet a man with a great calm and peace about him and ask him how he finds it. I would rather see the fruits of your labor, then come to you and ask my questions about where you find the strength to accomplish those acts and have you tell me. I do not wear my faith on my sleeve, but if you want to ask, ask and we will talk about it. Either way, I am done letting how I vote be a way for you to judge me, that is none of your business, and it should not be something I have to shove in your face to be worth believing in.
I will keep my faith in my heart, where it belongs. I am sorry for my actions of not doing so in the past. If I am wrong about this, let me be wrong, it is not your job to save me but rather if I need saving for me to seek it out. Let me ask you.
I am done making myself right by making you wrong. It does not work, and makes more enemies than friends, and in a lonely world, isn't it better to have friends who you do not agree with to bounce ideas off of, than to have only friends who just support your way of thinking? I am done playing the game, you are welcome to continue, but please do not rope me in to prove your point, rather find the truth for yourself and you will find the answers for you that you need.
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Make them play your game, or the 3 types of fighters.
Make them play your game
In any match or bout the key to winning is to make your opponent play
on your terms make them play your game, but how do you do that?
In my estimation there are 3 primary ways to do this. Constantly attacking, being passively
aggressive and being primarily defensive.
Aggressive: The first way to make them play your game is to
be aggressive, that is to say constantly pressing your opponent with attacks or threats of attacks until his defense fails him.
In Cod. HS.3227A in verse 18V we are told not to strike the sword; instead go for the openings.
If you take
the initiative (Vor), he has to respond (Nach). If you are constantly pressing, your opponent
has to either defend themselves, or do something else to counter your attacks.
The challenge with this is that if your attacks are predictable as in you throw
the same cuts in the same order with the same timing, it is easy to pick up on
it and know just when and what you are doing. If you only press with 2 or 3
things then break they may see this pattern, wait for you to break, and then
counter attack. So for this to be truly successful you have to press your
attacks constantly without relenting. Aggressive fencing also means controlling the footwork and distance. If you make a step forward, they have to take a step back to keep the same distance the same goes for steps offline to the right or the left. If you move first, they have to counter thus you have been the aggressor in the situation.
Passive Aggressive: The second way is for you to lie in wait
for their openings before you attack. The passive aggressive fighter allows
their opponent to attack and then relies on counters to those attacks to
successfully land their blows. They know how to counter a particular attack so simply parry the attack and counter it to land their blows. They are frustrating to fight as
they study the ways to counter an attack and simply use your attack and openings against you. One of the major disadvantage to this style of fighting is that you have to know how to counter things and feel comfortable with it or else it is ineffectual in practice and you can be overwhelmed very quickly. A huge point to this is if they are constantly pressing you and you counter only to have to counter again, and again, it is not as easy to get your counter attack in. If I was going to place a style to this and tie it to the German technique I would say that this is much in the style of the Indes. This is something that you do when they strike to immediately gain the advantage.
Defensive: Defensive fighters are less likely to use
counters as much as simply defend the strike, or in some way get out of the
situation. They are looking for an opening, something they can take advantage
of quickly and easily but will wait for as long as it takes to get it. Sometimes this means you have to chase them all over as they are controlling the fight by making you come to them. They are
patient, and willing to defend themselves as often as they need so they can get
the right opening, at the right time for what they want to do. What this translates to is simply never being able to get anything in as they are only looking to continuously counter your attacks until they get the opening they want. They are not always the highest scoring fighters but they are some of the most frustrating as a key is to thwart all of your attacks and get you off your game enough that you miss something. Fighting someone who does this well is not unlike fighting either a steel girder, or a wisp of smoke as depending on their speed and how they want to fight, they can be both. Defensive does
not mean that you take all attacks with back steps, some of the best steps you
can take are forward with the defense, but the key here is to be patient enough that they get the best strike they can, often after you have struck and missed. (Nach).
No good fighter fights just one way all the time, a
successful fighter combines a bit about each in some way, and knows when to be aggressive, when to defend and when to set a trap for their opponent to hide their
true intent. The key however is to make your opponent do what you want them do
to. Retreating so they have to close distance to attack you is making them play
your game. Holding a particular guard so they attack what you have open is a
way to make them play your game. Feinting to something and watching their
response to your attack is a way of making them play your game. Even attacking the same place 3 or 4 or 5
times so they think you are just going to do the same thing over and over then
switching it so they block an attack that is not coming and giving you the
opening you want is a way of making your opponent play your game. All of them
are useful but each has the right time and place. It is up to you to learn when to use each and how to use them so you can make them do exactly what you want them to. In this art the one who wins is the person who makes their opponent play their game the most, can get in their opponents head and at the end of the day make their opponent play the way they want them to. The key is to make your opponent play on your terms and make them play your game.
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
What is my work? My ideal job.
I have now been out of work for longer than I wanted to. In fact, I have been out of work longer now than I ever have before. But what kind of work do I want to do, and what do I feel is my passion and where I want to go?
Let me say that not all of these are hard and fast rules but this is my ideal this is what I am attracting to myself, this is what I am going to bring into being for me.
I will start at the beginning. The thing most central to me is making sure I am taking care of my family. To that end, I need to make enough money to pay the mortgage and the other bills we have. I have to be bringing home at least $15 dollars an hour to do this with one full time job. If I have a job and then have to add a part time something that is time away from my family, this I do not want to do.
I want to work Monday through Friday or Sunday through Thursday. I would prefer this so I can continue to teach sword, which is something that I love to do, and really gives me a lot of joy. I would prefer to work 7-3:30 or at the latest 5 or so. That is not hard and fast, I am willing to work some holidays or Saturdays or overtime, but I would rather not do so on a regular basis.
I would prefer to work some place with benefits this means paid time off, so I can attend HEMA events and go on vacation with my family.
Now to the big one. What do I need from a company?
I want to work for a company I believe in. A place that I believe in the mission and and purpose behind what they do. A place I am proud of telling people I work for and who provides a service that people need, not just selling them stuff they do not want. I want to believe in the place I work, but feel like I have a place in that, and that the work I do makes a difference. Not just on the bottom line, but to the people I serve I want to go to work and feel like the things I do matter not just to the company I work for, but for the people I serve.
Of course I will waive on these if I got a phone call tomorrow offering me work, but this is what I desire, this is what I believe I deserve and something I am willing to work with to get there but this is my vision, and this is what I am going to bring to me in the next bit so I can get back to work.
Let me say that not all of these are hard and fast rules but this is my ideal this is what I am attracting to myself, this is what I am going to bring into being for me.
I will start at the beginning. The thing most central to me is making sure I am taking care of my family. To that end, I need to make enough money to pay the mortgage and the other bills we have. I have to be bringing home at least $15 dollars an hour to do this with one full time job. If I have a job and then have to add a part time something that is time away from my family, this I do not want to do.
I want to work Monday through Friday or Sunday through Thursday. I would prefer this so I can continue to teach sword, which is something that I love to do, and really gives me a lot of joy. I would prefer to work 7-3:30 or at the latest 5 or so. That is not hard and fast, I am willing to work some holidays or Saturdays or overtime, but I would rather not do so on a regular basis.
I would prefer to work some place with benefits this means paid time off, so I can attend HEMA events and go on vacation with my family.
Now to the big one. What do I need from a company?
I want to work for a company I believe in. A place that I believe in the mission and and purpose behind what they do. A place I am proud of telling people I work for and who provides a service that people need, not just selling them stuff they do not want. I want to believe in the place I work, but feel like I have a place in that, and that the work I do makes a difference. Not just on the bottom line, but to the people I serve I want to go to work and feel like the things I do matter not just to the company I work for, but for the people I serve.
Of course I will waive on these if I got a phone call tomorrow offering me work, but this is what I desire, this is what I believe I deserve and something I am willing to work with to get there but this is my vision, and this is what I am going to bring to me in the next bit so I can get back to work.
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Building a class, building a curriculum, and having my best turnout for class yet.
Yesterday was awesome.
I have now been an instructor in my class for a total of just short of a month, but yesterday we had the largest turn out we have had in quite some time.
When I was handed the class, I had some thinking and some working to do. How would my class look? What were the big lesson plans for the weeks? How did my progression look for my students? Was there anything I wanted to add into what we teach that would help people or change the way we do business?
To that end, I wrote out a lesson plan that covers every week between our local competitions, with one week a month being a beginners class where we teach our basics as a class. There are also some weeks added in like snow days in a school calendar so if we have to cancel class or move things around, we can do it without throwing everything off. Each week has a central idea that we will be covering, but they are their own lesson alone, so if there is progression of an idea, it is happening in that week versus happening over several weeks. The best students will be the ones who show up every week and learn it all, but if you have to miss a week or 2, you are not lost when you come back. Some weeks we set out to cover so much material, and we just to not get it all so I have to prioritize what the most important things are so we cover what is central and most important. Added to it is the weeks of basics classes where we just work on what is central to our system so new people and those who have been around for awhile have a chance to work on just the fundamentals.
I have been asked many times when is a good time to start class with no real answer I could give new students except to say that they were welcome to start any week and we would pull them aside and show them the basics. As I was building the curriculum for classes though what struck me was that if I added in 1 week a month doing a class that was just basics it was an easier answer, and something I could have my students tell their friends or family to come and check out if they were interested on those weeks. In the past, we have done this as something that if a new person shows up to class and wants to learn the basics, we teach them basics off to the side. We are still doing that, but this new class is a way of saying, if you are looking for a good week to start, this one is it. We as a class feel so strongly that our basics are so important, we will spend 10 weeks out of 52 teaching just those basics. (Really 5 out of 26 as we repeat the curriculum every 6 months)
Yesterday was awesome. We had 21 people at one point in time, which is more than I have taught in a long time, and of those, 6 or 7 were new or relatively new. Added to that were a few who were interested, but who could not make it last week so may hit the next one in December. As we go along I am finding that I am working on the lesson plans intently, and it is my hope that in so doing I am teaching my students the best way I know how with the materials I can teach them with. I have not been above looking at other peoples lesson plans when I have seen them and gleaning from them big ideas I can work with, even if the lesson does not look the same at the end, and ultimately I am trying to avoid the trap of things being X way no matter what, as if I can't be flexible, I am not teaching my students in the best way for them based on what they need.
In the last month, I cannot say I have lost students. I hope what that means is that they like my classes enough to continue showing up, and with time I can help them reach their goals in class whatever they are. Not everyone wants to teach, not everyone wants to compete in the international stage, and not everyone wants to compete locally. To that end, I have to do all I can to support what it is they want to learn, and the goals they have set for themselves even if that goal is to be able to better fight X person.
I was asked a question in an interview the other day where do I see myself in 5 years? I had a moment of clarity and I realized that I see my lot in life to help develop people. Help them reach their goals and dreams. To me, that is what teaching sword is. Teaching this art is a way to help my students reach their goals and dreams. I cannot give them the will to reach them, or hand them the goal on a silver platter, they have to do that themselves, but I can be an aid when they are looking for some direction. I may not have all the answers but I know where to look to find them, and will do all I can to help them find those answers. If they want it, they will have to reach for it, but I can offer some guidance and some direction if they are unsure or are looking for help.
I help develop people, and to that end, even without a full time job right now, after class yesterday, I feel like I am doing what my calling is to do. I teach, because I can't help not teach, and that is reason enough to do what I am doing in sword.
Monday, October 26, 2015
Day 0: Welcome to the world!
My dear son, Welcome to the world!
It is now 6:30 and your mom is taking a shower while I am waxing introspective on the cycle of birth, and the changing from one stage of life to another. It is strange to think that in a short amount of time I will be a father, whether I am ready to be or not. This is a big change as my life is no longer only mine alone but also, for a time as a role model and support for you and your mother. The only such transformation I have been through before was that of being married, where in one moment you move from being a single person to a part of a couple, to something more than that, a couple for life. When you get married you are saying that you choose that person for now, but also for always. Things may change that, but that is the idea when you marry.
Fatherhood is something different. It is not having a child then at some time if things are not working out leaving them. Like it or not, I am your father for life.
At 8:30 pm we checked in at the hospital and started the stuff to ripen your moms cervix and by 2:00 am your moms water had broken. By 5:00 am we were still waiting but your mom was feeling better after having gotten some sleep. Because of the medications that they have your mom on we have had to have have you monitored all night. It was not the plan, but we did it anyway. The funny thing about it is that we had been listening to it all night and the consistent rhythm made sleeping easier. It was a calming wave sound and its consistent rhythm had allowed me to feel that soon you would not be just sounds and pictures on a screen but someone I could hold and love for the rest of my natural days.
All of the day on Wednesday someone was with your mom. Your aunt Cookie and I took turns in in the room with your mom. Every time she needed to get up and go to the bathroom. we were the first to disconnect the machines and move the IV, then move it again when she was ready to get back in the bed.
We waited all day but she had not dilated beyond a 2. By 6:00 pm things had gotten to be too much and your moms anxiety and pain had gotten to be too much for her to bear so she asked for the epidural. Again, this is not something we had planned on, but sometimes plans change. In the birth plan we had 1 central idea which was respect your mom, respect the baby. The choice was your moms and in the end, that is all that matters. Our ideal has always been healthy mom, healthy baby and as long as we are able to bring you home, and we feel our choices are honored we have come to the place that it will be OK. Sometimes life is like that. When I married your mom, not everything happened how we had planned but in the end we left Vegas happily married and that was all that mattered.
By 9:00 your mom felt like she was ready to have you and she had dilated to a 10. Once the midwife got there your mom started pushing. The pushing took less than a half hour and you were born by 9:51 on 10/21/15. As soon as you were born we put you on your moms chest. and she got to hold you for the first time. During that time you pooped on your mom a couple of times. By 10:22, your mom was not doing so well and so I took my shirt off and we started doing some skin on skin while they figured out what your mom needed. You aunt cookie says that it was crazy fast the way I did it but I was ready to hold you and wanted you to have the skin on skin that we had agreed you needed. I helped them weigh you, and then you pooped on me. I clamped your cord, and cut it both the first time, but also the second time. You started your life at 8 pounds 15 oz though we are pretty sure that with how much you pooped on us, you were born over 9 pounds.
Within 24 hours we had not left you alone with anyone. Every time they came to pick you up, I put on shoes and went with them. When you were a bit over 1 day old, they had been tracking your blood sugars and they had not balanced. So they did some blood tests and it was decided that they would be keeping you for awhile. The doctors think that you had an infection in your blood and worked to bring it down.
We gave you a bath on the 23rd and you have been doing little more than eating and sleeping, but we want you to get feeling better so we are doing all we can to make sure that you are good.
The first time someone watched you without your mom and I was on 10/23/15 when your mom and I had to go check into the hospital as a "hotel stay"since your mom was discharged as a patient as she was doing OK. On that night you were also moved to the nursery for the first time so your mom and I could sleep. I had been sleeping for hours and your mom felt that it was better for you to stay there for a few hours. On the morning of 10/25/15 when your doctor came in we were delighted to hear that we could bring you home. The hardest part of the last few days was not knowing when you would be able to come home, so this was great news. We left the hospital parking lot at 2:47 pm on 10/25/15. Yesterday you had your first 2 elevator rides. and got to meet your Zia Mary, and Granny, as well as seeing some of your family that you had already met like your Pompa, Grandma Judy, Grandpa, and Ama.
It is great to be home. and we are so happy to have you home and here. Moving forward I will be writing on the blog I have set up for you. Welcome to the world son. I cannot tell you how much your mom and I love you and we will do everything we can do to make sure you are taken care of and happy when we can. It is a beautiful place, and I am excited to be with you when you begin to explore it.
your blog can be found here and I have encouraged family to subscribe to it ans I will not be posting it all over so if people follow it they will see it but if not, they won't
http://punchystory.blogspot.com/
Love you
Dad
As of today, life expectancy in Salt Lake county, Utah is 78.1 years.
A gallon of Gasoline costs: $2.39
A loaf of bread at Smiths costs: $1.79
A dozen eggs costs:$1.99
A gallon of Milk costs: $3.29 though you can get it on sale for $2.59
A regular movie ticket costs: $9.50
A 3D movie ticket costs: $11.50
the number 1 movie in America for last weekend was: Goosebumps
the number 1 song in America on Billboards top 200 was The Hills by the Weekend ( I do not know this song except to know that they were on Saturday Night live a couple of weeks ago.)
Over the last couple of days the weather has been cooler and rainy on and off.
You were born into this world at: 9:51 PM
You were 8 pounds and 15 oz and 21.5 inches long
Those are the statistics. Life is much more than that though little guy.
Story of your birth:
On 10/19 your mom went to the midwife with high blood pressure. Last night we stayed home, hoping that you were going to come when he blood pressure went down. On 10/20 I went to my appeal case then came home, your mom worked a while then came home, were we ran a few errands. We picked up some toys for Sam to play with and tear apart and a couple of things from Target for you, then picked up Crown burger for Bacon Cheese burgers. Your mom had Onion rings, and a Strawberry shake, I had Fries and a Power aide. When we talked to the Midwife she said to call the hospital about 7 to find out when we can go in and start what we needed to so you would get here.
It is now 6:30 and your mom is taking a shower while I am waxing introspective on the cycle of birth, and the changing from one stage of life to another. It is strange to think that in a short amount of time I will be a father, whether I am ready to be or not. This is a big change as my life is no longer only mine alone but also, for a time as a role model and support for you and your mother. The only such transformation I have been through before was that of being married, where in one moment you move from being a single person to a part of a couple, to something more than that, a couple for life. When you get married you are saying that you choose that person for now, but also for always. Things may change that, but that is the idea when you marry.
Fatherhood is something different. It is not having a child then at some time if things are not working out leaving them. Like it or not, I am your father for life.
At 8:30 pm we checked in at the hospital and started the stuff to ripen your moms cervix and by 2:00 am your moms water had broken. By 5:00 am we were still waiting but your mom was feeling better after having gotten some sleep. Because of the medications that they have your mom on we have had to have have you monitored all night. It was not the plan, but we did it anyway. The funny thing about it is that we had been listening to it all night and the consistent rhythm made sleeping easier. It was a calming wave sound and its consistent rhythm had allowed me to feel that soon you would not be just sounds and pictures on a screen but someone I could hold and love for the rest of my natural days.
All of the day on Wednesday someone was with your mom. Your aunt Cookie and I took turns in in the room with your mom. Every time she needed to get up and go to the bathroom. we were the first to disconnect the machines and move the IV, then move it again when she was ready to get back in the bed.
We waited all day but she had not dilated beyond a 2. By 6:00 pm things had gotten to be too much and your moms anxiety and pain had gotten to be too much for her to bear so she asked for the epidural. Again, this is not something we had planned on, but sometimes plans change. In the birth plan we had 1 central idea which was respect your mom, respect the baby. The choice was your moms and in the end, that is all that matters. Our ideal has always been healthy mom, healthy baby and as long as we are able to bring you home, and we feel our choices are honored we have come to the place that it will be OK. Sometimes life is like that. When I married your mom, not everything happened how we had planned but in the end we left Vegas happily married and that was all that mattered.
By 9:00 your mom felt like she was ready to have you and she had dilated to a 10. Once the midwife got there your mom started pushing. The pushing took less than a half hour and you were born by 9:51 on 10/21/15. As soon as you were born we put you on your moms chest. and she got to hold you for the first time. During that time you pooped on your mom a couple of times. By 10:22, your mom was not doing so well and so I took my shirt off and we started doing some skin on skin while they figured out what your mom needed. You aunt cookie says that it was crazy fast the way I did it but I was ready to hold you and wanted you to have the skin on skin that we had agreed you needed. I helped them weigh you, and then you pooped on me. I clamped your cord, and cut it both the first time, but also the second time. You started your life at 8 pounds 15 oz though we are pretty sure that with how much you pooped on us, you were born over 9 pounds.
Within 24 hours we had not left you alone with anyone. Every time they came to pick you up, I put on shoes and went with them. When you were a bit over 1 day old, they had been tracking your blood sugars and they had not balanced. So they did some blood tests and it was decided that they would be keeping you for awhile. The doctors think that you had an infection in your blood and worked to bring it down.
We gave you a bath on the 23rd and you have been doing little more than eating and sleeping, but we want you to get feeling better so we are doing all we can to make sure that you are good.
The first time someone watched you without your mom and I was on 10/23/15 when your mom and I had to go check into the hospital as a "hotel stay"since your mom was discharged as a patient as she was doing OK. On that night you were also moved to the nursery for the first time so your mom and I could sleep. I had been sleeping for hours and your mom felt that it was better for you to stay there for a few hours. On the morning of 10/25/15 when your doctor came in we were delighted to hear that we could bring you home. The hardest part of the last few days was not knowing when you would be able to come home, so this was great news. We left the hospital parking lot at 2:47 pm on 10/25/15. Yesterday you had your first 2 elevator rides. and got to meet your Zia Mary, and Granny, as well as seeing some of your family that you had already met like your Pompa, Grandma Judy, Grandpa, and Ama.
It is great to be home. and we are so happy to have you home and here. Moving forward I will be writing on the blog I have set up for you. Welcome to the world son. I cannot tell you how much your mom and I love you and we will do everything we can do to make sure you are taken care of and happy when we can. It is a beautiful place, and I am excited to be with you when you begin to explore it.
your blog can be found here and I have encouraged family to subscribe to it ans I will not be posting it all over so if people follow it they will see it but if not, they won't
http://punchystory.blogspot.com/
Love you
Dad
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Day 1 a transformation
Sean
It is now 6:30 and your mom is taking a shower while I am waxing introspective on the cycle of birth, and the changing from one stage of life to another. It is strange to think that in a short amount of time I will be a father, whether I am ready to be or not. This is a big change as my life is no longer only mine alone but also, for a time as a role model and support for you and your mother. The only such transformation I have been through before was that of being married, where in one moment you move from being a single person to a part of a couple, to something more than that, a couple for life. When you get married you are saying that you choose that person for now, but also for always. Things may change that, but that is the idea when you marry.
Fatherhood is something different. It is not having a child then at some time if things are not working out leaving them. Like it or not, I am your father for life. You may not agree with me on everything, we may clash on ideas at times and not always see eye to eye. It is possible that you may have inherited my or your mothers stubbornness, and as such we may have times when we clash and there is no solution but to let things lie, but regardless of all of that, you are my son, Always know that and always remember that.
In looking for answers tonight about the transition from one state to another I thought to consult the Prophet by Kahlil Gibran on children he says:
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children."
And he said: Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable."
No, you are not my son, but you come from me, and that will always be a part of you. I can only hope that it is something that gives you pride, and one day you understand that I did for you the best I could with what I had and understood at the time. I may not always be perfect and I may do some things that embarass you or you think are unfair. Please know that my intention is to do for you the best I can, and that in my heart I will raise you the best I am able.
Tonight, as I watch the setting sun, I realize that it is the end of my life before fatherhood, and within the next day or so begins the new life as a father. I am proud to be yours.
Love you
-Dad
Monday, October 19, 2015
Day 2 Changing the world.
Punchy,
You are now 2 days from your due date, though we keep telling you that whenever you are ready we are excited to meet you and are ready to see your face.
Today's blog did not start out as a one to you but as one that was all about what I am teaching in sword class this week, (Unless you are born late in the week, then I may have someone else teach it so I can be there with mom and once you are born, you.) As such, the lesson was about clearing an opponents sword line and how to do that, but I may finish and publish that one later.
In thinking about sword lines I realized that to me, there are 2 ways to change your circumstances, view or the world. The first is to do something active that changes it, the other is to change your perspective so that you can see it differently. In sword, I would call this forcing your opponents weapon to move (feints, or physically moving it) or to move yourself around them. What does each mean? How do you do each?
Doing something that changes the world is probably the most common thing that people focus on in life when things need to be changed. If you do not like where the couch is, you physically move it, or have someone else move it. If you do not like the way a law is written, you can write letters to those who make the laws, protest, or vote for someone else who supports your opinion, or possibly even get elected yourself. This approach is centered around my way, or my opinion is the right one, and the other is wrong. In sword this would be akin to feints or physically moving your opponents weapon so you have cleared their line. It is active, but there is a bit of stubbornness to it. What if you feel like things have to be a particular way, and no one else agrees? Do you then force everyone else to agree? In this case I would argue that you force it, or make them change their opinion. but at the end of the day, you get your way.
There is a second way. I would say that this one is not as active and forceful but more passive and that is to change yourself and your perspective. It could be argued that this can be a way of giving up, and though it may be, it is not always the case. This second way is all about changing your perspective, so in sword I would say this is similar to taking steps to the side so you are changing your line from your opponents. In that case, your literal perspective is changing from being in direct opposition to your opponents.
These 2 can be summed up in the phrases, Changing the world or changing yourself.
Neither one is distinctly right or wrong, but both can be relevant in particular situations. Say you get a job at a place that is going to require you to work weekends and you do not want to. In this situation you can work with management to change the policy, (Change the world) or you can quit, or stick with it but look for the good in that. (change yourself) Neither one is right or wrong, but it depends on the situation. In the case of your birth, I am getting anxious and want you to be here. But there is nothing I can physically do to make that happen. So my choice is to be grumpy about it, or change myself to be OK with it happening when it happens. You have control of your life, but sometimes things show up that require you to look at life differently.
Again, say you are working somewhere and you are written up for not doing something you do not feel comfortable with. You can take this 2 ways the world is against you, or this is an opportunity to learn how to do this better. You may push back and work to fight the rule, have it changed since this was unfair to you, (Change the world) or look at it as an opportunity (change yourself). I have been out of work from my real job 75 days. Tomorrow is my hearing for my termination. I am going into it giving it what I can but knowing that it may or may not be successful that it is overturned. The appeal, is changing the world. If it is not successful, then I can be a victim of it, or look at it as an opportunity to find something that will be better for me (change myself).
The key is to balance those 2 things. When your way is the only right way, it is easy to be a victim when things do not go that way. That does not mean it is never worth it to fight for your views, but know that sometimes the best way out of being a victim is to change your thinking about it. If you find that someone is not doing what you want them to, you get to choose how respond and the truth is at the end of the day, that it is that choice that really makes you free. Sometime you can't make that choice, but you are always in charge of your perspective about what you are going to with what is before you, and that is how you will change the world.
-Dad
You are now 2 days from your due date, though we keep telling you that whenever you are ready we are excited to meet you and are ready to see your face.
Today's blog did not start out as a one to you but as one that was all about what I am teaching in sword class this week, (Unless you are born late in the week, then I may have someone else teach it so I can be there with mom and once you are born, you.) As such, the lesson was about clearing an opponents sword line and how to do that, but I may finish and publish that one later.
In thinking about sword lines I realized that to me, there are 2 ways to change your circumstances, view or the world. The first is to do something active that changes it, the other is to change your perspective so that you can see it differently. In sword, I would call this forcing your opponents weapon to move (feints, or physically moving it) or to move yourself around them. What does each mean? How do you do each?
Doing something that changes the world is probably the most common thing that people focus on in life when things need to be changed. If you do not like where the couch is, you physically move it, or have someone else move it. If you do not like the way a law is written, you can write letters to those who make the laws, protest, or vote for someone else who supports your opinion, or possibly even get elected yourself. This approach is centered around my way, or my opinion is the right one, and the other is wrong. In sword this would be akin to feints or physically moving your opponents weapon so you have cleared their line. It is active, but there is a bit of stubbornness to it. What if you feel like things have to be a particular way, and no one else agrees? Do you then force everyone else to agree? In this case I would argue that you force it, or make them change their opinion. but at the end of the day, you get your way.
There is a second way. I would say that this one is not as active and forceful but more passive and that is to change yourself and your perspective. It could be argued that this can be a way of giving up, and though it may be, it is not always the case. This second way is all about changing your perspective, so in sword I would say this is similar to taking steps to the side so you are changing your line from your opponents. In that case, your literal perspective is changing from being in direct opposition to your opponents.
These 2 can be summed up in the phrases, Changing the world or changing yourself.
Neither one is distinctly right or wrong, but both can be relevant in particular situations. Say you get a job at a place that is going to require you to work weekends and you do not want to. In this situation you can work with management to change the policy, (Change the world) or you can quit, or stick with it but look for the good in that. (change yourself) Neither one is right or wrong, but it depends on the situation. In the case of your birth, I am getting anxious and want you to be here. But there is nothing I can physically do to make that happen. So my choice is to be grumpy about it, or change myself to be OK with it happening when it happens. You have control of your life, but sometimes things show up that require you to look at life differently.
Again, say you are working somewhere and you are written up for not doing something you do not feel comfortable with. You can take this 2 ways the world is against you, or this is an opportunity to learn how to do this better. You may push back and work to fight the rule, have it changed since this was unfair to you, (Change the world) or look at it as an opportunity (change yourself). I have been out of work from my real job 75 days. Tomorrow is my hearing for my termination. I am going into it giving it what I can but knowing that it may or may not be successful that it is overturned. The appeal, is changing the world. If it is not successful, then I can be a victim of it, or look at it as an opportunity to find something that will be better for me (change myself).
The key is to balance those 2 things. When your way is the only right way, it is easy to be a victim when things do not go that way. That does not mean it is never worth it to fight for your views, but know that sometimes the best way out of being a victim is to change your thinking about it. If you find that someone is not doing what you want them to, you get to choose how respond and the truth is at the end of the day, that it is that choice that really makes you free. Sometime you can't make that choice, but you are always in charge of your perspective about what you are going to with what is before you, and that is how you will change the world.
-Dad
Sunday, October 18, 2015
3 days, A bright future
Sean William,
By our count you are 3 days from us, though it could be any day now. We have been talking to you and letting you know that we are ready, but just as soon as you are ready. we are excited to see you.
Moving forward, I am going to be moving your blog to a a new place where I can talk about milestones, things that are going on with us, Hopefully things that you may wonder about one day and I can answer in writing about them now. It may not be big things all the time but just some observations, maybe what you are doing, little notes to you, a kind of assessment of what is happening in our lives, or the world at large.
I do not have the new one set up yet but I will today, just in time for you to get here? (Maybe?)
Yesterday was my first day of teaching class and it was a fun one. We talked about how class was going to go moving forward and my plans for things. It was a good class and I feel like things are going to be awesome moving forward. We also had a game night last night, so we had some friends over. It was a great night and we stayed up well into the night talking and playing games. It is something I really enjoy doing.
I don't have anything inspirational to say today but soon, maybe you and I can have some bonding time.
Today is our last baby shower for you, but this one is also for your cousin Anabelle it should be a great time, and we would love to go, unless you decide to come before then.
This week I have to defend my case for what is wrong with my termination at the U. An interview with Intermountain Healthcare, and possibly another one. Again all of it is dependant on when you decide to be born as I have let everyone know that if you decide it is time, I will cancel anything I need to so I can be there with you and your mom. There are other things that are important but to me, there is nothing more important than to be there when you are born and I will do everything I can to be there, catch you when you come out, clamp your cord, and spend as much time with you as possible until I get a new job.
We are ready whenever you are and we will be waiting for you, just excited for when that day comes.
-Dad
By our count you are 3 days from us, though it could be any day now. We have been talking to you and letting you know that we are ready, but just as soon as you are ready. we are excited to see you.
Moving forward, I am going to be moving your blog to a a new place where I can talk about milestones, things that are going on with us, Hopefully things that you may wonder about one day and I can answer in writing about them now. It may not be big things all the time but just some observations, maybe what you are doing, little notes to you, a kind of assessment of what is happening in our lives, or the world at large.
I do not have the new one set up yet but I will today, just in time for you to get here? (Maybe?)
Yesterday was my first day of teaching class and it was a fun one. We talked about how class was going to go moving forward and my plans for things. It was a good class and I feel like things are going to be awesome moving forward. We also had a game night last night, so we had some friends over. It was a great night and we stayed up well into the night talking and playing games. It is something I really enjoy doing.
I don't have anything inspirational to say today but soon, maybe you and I can have some bonding time.
Today is our last baby shower for you, but this one is also for your cousin Anabelle it should be a great time, and we would love to go, unless you decide to come before then.
This week I have to defend my case for what is wrong with my termination at the U. An interview with Intermountain Healthcare, and possibly another one. Again all of it is dependant on when you decide to be born as I have let everyone know that if you decide it is time, I will cancel anything I need to so I can be there with you and your mom. There are other things that are important but to me, there is nothing more important than to be there when you are born and I will do everything I can to be there, catch you when you come out, clamp your cord, and spend as much time with you as possible until I get a new job.
We are ready whenever you are and we will be waiting for you, just excited for when that day comes.
-Dad
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
8 Days: make them play your game
Son, (And anyone else who may be reading this.)
Make them play YOUR game
Make them play YOUR game
In any match or bout the key is to make your opponent play on your terms, but how do you do that?
There are, in my estimation, 3 ways to do this. Constantly attacking, being passively aggressive and being primarily defensive.
Aggressive: The first way to make them play your game is to be aggressive, that is to say pressing your opponent with attacks constantly until his defense fails him. If you take the Vor, he has to take the Nach. If you are constantly pressing, your opponent has to either defend themselves, or do something else to counter your attacks. The challenge with this is that if your attacks are predictable as in you throw the same cuts in the same order with the same timing, it is easy to pick up on it and know just when and what you are doing. If you only press with 2 or 3 things then break they may see this pattern, wait for you to break, and then counter attack. So for this to be truly successful you have to press your attacks constantly without relenting.
Passive Aggressive: The second way is for you to lie in wait for their openings before you attack. The passive aggressive fighter allows their opponent to attack and then relies on counters to those attacks to successfully land their blows. They know that if you attack with a particular attack this is the way to counter that so simply parry the attacks and riposte to take the initiative and land their blows. They are frustrating to fight as they study the ways to counter an attack and simply use it to their advantage. The major disadvantage to this style of fighting is that if they do not know or feel comfortable with something or their defense is not good, they can easily be overwhelmed if your attacks are solid and not predictable.
Defensive: Defensive fighters are less likely to use counters as much as simply defend the strike, or in some way get out of the situation. They are looking for an opening, something they can take advantage of but know that you cannot win unless you cover that distance. They are patient, and willing to defend themselves as often as they need so they can get the right opening, at the right time for what they want to do. Defensive does not mean that you take all attacks with back steps, some of the best steps you can take are forward with the defense, but if one is entirely defensive you never win completely, so eventually you have to be aggressive in one way or another.
No good fighter fights just one way all the time, a successful fighter combines a bit about each in some way, and knows when to attack, when to defend and when to set a trap for their opponent to hide their true intent. The key however is to make your opponent do what you want them do to. Retreating so they have to close distance to attack you is making them play your game. Holding a particular guard so they attack what you have open is a way to make them play your game. Feinting to something and watching their response to your attack is a way of making them play your game. Even attacking the same place 3 or 4 or 5 times so they think you are just going to do the same thing over and over then switching it so they block an attack that is not coming and giving you the opening you want is a way of making your opponent play your game. All of them are useful but each has the right time and place, it is up to you to learn when that is for you, and decide just how you will use that information to make them play the game how you want them to play it.
-Dad
Sunday, October 11, 2015
9 days: SMART Goals, Kind of
Son,
There is a school of thought that all goals need to be "S.M.A.R.T." that is Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and trackable/or timely. While I agree with the sentiment, I knock it down to 3 because I feel like it is redundant for the sake of being a pretty acronym. So the steps as I see them:
S Simple, Specific- If a goal is not specific how can
you measure it? The question is how do you know you have arrived there? To that
end a SMART goal is not: I want to do better at sword and buckler but rather I
want to get to a place where most matches, I can score on my opponent at least 4 times.
M Measurable- Just like specific, this one is all
about how do you know you got there? In this way a goal of saying that you can
run a mile is measurable. One of you can just run more could be if you define
where you are so you can see improvement, but I want to run a lot or do a bunch
of drills is not unless you define what that means FOR YOU.
A Attainable and Realistic- If you set a goal to be
the best sword fighter in class by your next competition and this is your 2nd
month of practice, that may be a stretch, unless you ahve a very bad class. Attainable and Realistic are a good question of "Is this goal realistic for me given my time
and energy I am willing to devote to this?" If you are willing to go to the gym
5 hours a day, getting to a point that you look like an Olympic weight lifter
is not out of the question on a long enough timeline. If you are only willing
to give it an hour a day, this will take longer. Asking "What am I willing to do
to get there?" is huge here. What are your resources, what will it take to do
that, and are you willing to do what you have to in order to reach it? Timeliness
comes into play here as well. "Is this reasonable in the time I am giving it?" If you can be honest and realize it is not there is nothing wrong with changing the timeline just be honest about it.
Example:
I want to reach a point with Sword and buckler that I can
score on most of my opponents 4 times in a match.
Is it Specific? As long as you can define most as
more than 50% it is. Is it simple? Yes.
Measurable and Trackable? Yes as long as you are to a point
that you can track it eventually and know when you have gotten there. If today
you can only score once and in 3 weeks you can consistently score 2 that is something you can track. but if you are not tracking it how do you know you have arrived?
Attainable and Realistic? This depends on your time frame,
and willingness to give it your time to study and practice. If you pick up a sword and
buckler 1 time in the next 6 months, but your experience is limited, before and
during that time, I would say no, it is not realistic that you are suddenly going to be able to be the best just because you thought about it. If you are willing to be discouraged, have to
work hard and know that sometimes you will lose getting there, then yes it is
both.
One more thing is to realize that at times you may fail on
the way to getting there. If you are not
willing to stick with it do not be surprised if you never reach that goal. In the example
of sword and buckler, if you are not willing to stick with it, lose a lot
initially, and then use that experience to improve, then it is not a good goal
for you. You have to be willing to fall on your face in pursuit of
your goals, but that is the only way you get better. If you are only practicing
with people who you have no problem beating, you may not be the best, but
rather you are a big fish in a little pond and it is time to move on to
something bigger where you are actually challenged. If you have a trick that always works with people who know you but does not with those who don't then it is only a trick to those who know you, teach them how to beat it so you are not relying on it.
Lastly, be willing to tell people your goals and surround yourself with find people who will keep you accountable. A practice partner that lets you get away with sloppy technique and only doing half your speed or skill is not your friend, they are doing you no favors by letting you get away with it. You may be the best of friends outside of practice, but they are not a good training partner for you. The best partners I have had both in terms of sword and out are the ones who push me to do better. Often that means kicking my butt so I know what I need to work on. In that way your greatest friends, are those who are willing to call you on your crap, and who are your hardest opponents inside the ring. If they say they want to practice or reach a goal and then do nothing to reach it, call them on it. If you do the same, be willing to be called out on it. Accountability is not a bad word, and those people who are not willing to keep you to your word are doing you no favors, even if they think they are.
-Dad
My class: 10 days and counting What is my teaching about?
Punchy,
You are about 10 days from us, but you are welcome any time you get here. Your Stephenson grandparents came by today and we were able to show them your stroller and your room, and the co sleeper.
In today's blog I am going to talk a bit about what
What do I want my class to be?
I feel that my class should be a place where we teach the art, but also develop the person. The art is important, but what we are about is larger than that. If someone wants to become a leader, it should be my job to help them do so. If they want to train to be on a bigger stage, I should be willing to do what I can. If I feel someone is acting out of integrity by not calling shots it is my job to call them on it. I want students who I know whether I am there or not things go on as they should and if they leave or move away as has happened from time to time, I feel that I have given them the tools to continue their study some place else.
This art, like any other art, is about having the tools in your toolbox so you know what to do when you need to. I do not have all the answers to these questions as I am not a master swordsman, but I do know where to look to find answers or to point you in the right direction to find them. We may train 100 things, and you find that when you are sparring you only use 5 of them directly. It is my job to make sure you know all of them and feel comfortable enough with them that if you see an opening to you know what to do without hesitation, or if you want to create an opening you know how to do that too.
So what does a week of our class look like?
We begin each class stretching out doing and some basic drills. these are done to warm up and get ready for class, Then we will cover the big idea of the day. We will talk about the big idea and teach or work on a technique around that idea. Then we will play games or free play around the idea. Finally we will do some free sparring or other games not attached to the drill to work on implementing the idea. It is pretty basic, but I feel like it develops things at a good pace. If too much is covered in a week than retention is not as good. To that end, each week will have a theme, and each set of drills will be a variation around that theme or big idea.
This is my plan. I can;t say it is a great one or something I will stick with, but it is a start.
I am not sure this will matter to you or anyone eventually. but it is what is on my mind right now so better to write it down for you, and for those who will be my students now and one day in the future.
Love you kid.
Dad
You are about 10 days from us, but you are welcome any time you get here. Your Stephenson grandparents came by today and we were able to show them your stroller and your room, and the co sleeper.
In today's blog I am going to talk a bit about what
What do I want my class to be?
I feel that my class should be a place where we teach the art, but also develop the person. The art is important, but what we are about is larger than that. If someone wants to become a leader, it should be my job to help them do so. If they want to train to be on a bigger stage, I should be willing to do what I can. If I feel someone is acting out of integrity by not calling shots it is my job to call them on it. I want students who I know whether I am there or not things go on as they should and if they leave or move away as has happened from time to time, I feel that I have given them the tools to continue their study some place else.
This art, like any other art, is about having the tools in your toolbox so you know what to do when you need to. I do not have all the answers to these questions as I am not a master swordsman, but I do know where to look to find answers or to point you in the right direction to find them. We may train 100 things, and you find that when you are sparring you only use 5 of them directly. It is my job to make sure you know all of them and feel comfortable enough with them that if you see an opening to you know what to do without hesitation, or if you want to create an opening you know how to do that too.
So what does a week of our class look like?
We begin each class stretching out doing and some basic drills. these are done to warm up and get ready for class, Then we will cover the big idea of the day. We will talk about the big idea and teach or work on a technique around that idea. Then we will play games or free play around the idea. Finally we will do some free sparring or other games not attached to the drill to work on implementing the idea. It is pretty basic, but I feel like it develops things at a good pace. If too much is covered in a week than retention is not as good. To that end, each week will have a theme, and each set of drills will be a variation around that theme or big idea.
This is my plan. I can;t say it is a great one or something I will stick with, but it is a start.
I am not sure this will matter to you or anyone eventually. but it is what is on my mind right now so better to write it down for you, and for those who will be my students now and one day in the future.
Love you kid.
Dad
Saturday, October 10, 2015
Day 11 Competition, and some big news for me.
Sean,
You will be proud of your dad I think. I just got home from our second competition of the year in our local class. All told we had 26 fighters including several from True Edge Academy, Noble Sciences school in Reno, and our class. It was a beautiful day and though it took a while to get started because of a race going on at the park, we got things going pretty well.
I took second place, where I fought in the final match with steel against Jeremy. He is a great fighter and I love fighting him and it was our first match of the day that really dropped me for points in my matches. so it was awesome to cross steel with him again in the final. I am incredibly excited and feel like I did pretty well today and I really feel like I got many of my competitors playing my game, so I got to make a lot of it go the way I wanted. I still took a lot of hits, but I feel like I was relaxed and really on my game today and it showed in my placing.
After competition though we had another huge announcement. My Instructor Travis, who has been my instructor for years now, not only gave me the rank of instructor, but also the running of our regular Saturday class. It is something I have been working hard on for the last few years. We had talked about me stepping into an instructor role, but this was a huge thing for me and for class. It is a big change, but not something I am feeling unprepared for. It is a big thing to me and I am not starting with a class of a few people but am really starting with a class that has some good fighters and loads of fighters who I feel can become better with a little push. This is huge and it will take me a bit to figure a few things out, but I feel like I am ready. I am not sure what all it means, but I am sure that it is awesome and I know I will work it out.
It has been a great day.
Love you kid and will see you soon,
Dad
You will be proud of your dad I think. I just got home from our second competition of the year in our local class. All told we had 26 fighters including several from True Edge Academy, Noble Sciences school in Reno, and our class. It was a beautiful day and though it took a while to get started because of a race going on at the park, we got things going pretty well.
I took second place, where I fought in the final match with steel against Jeremy. He is a great fighter and I love fighting him and it was our first match of the day that really dropped me for points in my matches. so it was awesome to cross steel with him again in the final. I am incredibly excited and feel like I did pretty well today and I really feel like I got many of my competitors playing my game, so I got to make a lot of it go the way I wanted. I still took a lot of hits, but I feel like I was relaxed and really on my game today and it showed in my placing.
After competition though we had another huge announcement. My Instructor Travis, who has been my instructor for years now, not only gave me the rank of instructor, but also the running of our regular Saturday class. It is something I have been working hard on for the last few years. We had talked about me stepping into an instructor role, but this was a huge thing for me and for class. It is a big change, but not something I am feeling unprepared for. It is a big thing to me and I am not starting with a class of a few people but am really starting with a class that has some good fighters and loads of fighters who I feel can become better with a little push. This is huge and it will take me a bit to figure a few things out, but I feel like I am ready. I am not sure what all it means, but I am sure that it is awesome and I know I will work it out.
It has been a great day.
Love you kid and will see you soon,
Dad
Saturday, October 3, 2015
18 Days: An introduction to your birth plan.
Punchy,
I know I have missed a lot of days of in writing. Today was another baby shower for you, but this time it was my sword class' turn. We are a week from my next sword competition. What has struck me over all of the baby showers is how excited everyone is to have you get here. Yesterday your stroller and car seat arrived. As far as many things go, we have everything we really need for you to get here, so now we wait.
The Doctors say you can be born any time between 38 and 42 weeks as I understand it. You will be at 38 weeks on Thursday. At this point, if it was time for you to get here and your mom started to go into labor, they would not stop it.
For your birth plan, we are planning on a natural birth. We are going to do all we can unassisted. When you are born, our midwife is going to help ease you out then I am going to catch you. I will be putting you on your moms chest. and when the umbilical cord stops giving you the extra blood, I will clamp and cut it. The hospital has a suggestion that we have what they call the golden hour, so for the first hour we will be with you alone. Then we will tell everyone else you have been born. They are excited, and we are too. As much as possible we will do what we can to bring you into the world in a way that we feel makes the most sense and that your mom feels the most comfortable with.
I am not sure when you will be born, but I am excited for you to be here, and from those who have been showing up at the showers we are all happy for you to be with us soon out here. It is not going to be easy. Truth be told, it will be the hardest thing you will deal with in your life. But you have to go through it to be able to move on to the next step. That is a part of life. I am now at just under 2 months since I lost my job. It has not been easy, but sometimes life will hand you something and test your meddle. Next weekend is our next competition, nothing by far compared to you being born, but it will be a test of how I have been progressing. It is, as much as anything else a test, one I have chosen but one that the only way to the other side being through.
Tests are necessary, they show us what we are made of, and how much we have grown, what we have learned. You will be facing some big ones in the next few weeks and months and years. You will try, and fail at some things but you will get up and try them again. When you start walking, you will fall down at first, even several times, but you will have to pick yourself up and keep going. Life is not always easy, I can only imagine that Birth is going to be hard on you, but you will get through you.
You are strong, and I am excited for you to have the chance to prove it to yourself, and the rest of us waiting to meet you.
Love you Kiddo.
-Dad
I know I have missed a lot of days of in writing. Today was another baby shower for you, but this time it was my sword class' turn. We are a week from my next sword competition. What has struck me over all of the baby showers is how excited everyone is to have you get here. Yesterday your stroller and car seat arrived. As far as many things go, we have everything we really need for you to get here, so now we wait.
The Doctors say you can be born any time between 38 and 42 weeks as I understand it. You will be at 38 weeks on Thursday. At this point, if it was time for you to get here and your mom started to go into labor, they would not stop it.
For your birth plan, we are planning on a natural birth. We are going to do all we can unassisted. When you are born, our midwife is going to help ease you out then I am going to catch you. I will be putting you on your moms chest. and when the umbilical cord stops giving you the extra blood, I will clamp and cut it. The hospital has a suggestion that we have what they call the golden hour, so for the first hour we will be with you alone. Then we will tell everyone else you have been born. They are excited, and we are too. As much as possible we will do what we can to bring you into the world in a way that we feel makes the most sense and that your mom feels the most comfortable with.
I am not sure when you will be born, but I am excited for you to be here, and from those who have been showing up at the showers we are all happy for you to be with us soon out here. It is not going to be easy. Truth be told, it will be the hardest thing you will deal with in your life. But you have to go through it to be able to move on to the next step. That is a part of life. I am now at just under 2 months since I lost my job. It has not been easy, but sometimes life will hand you something and test your meddle. Next weekend is our next competition, nothing by far compared to you being born, but it will be a test of how I have been progressing. It is, as much as anything else a test, one I have chosen but one that the only way to the other side being through.
Tests are necessary, they show us what we are made of, and how much we have grown, what we have learned. You will be facing some big ones in the next few weeks and months and years. You will try, and fail at some things but you will get up and try them again. When you start walking, you will fall down at first, even several times, but you will have to pick yourself up and keep going. Life is not always easy, I can only imagine that Birth is going to be hard on you, but you will get through you.
You are strong, and I am excited for you to have the chance to prove it to yourself, and the rest of us waiting to meet you.
Love you Kiddo.
-Dad
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
28 Days: What I have learned while doing solo training
Sean William,
(Man it feels good to address you that way kiddo!)
As you know, I have been out of work since the beginning of August and it is starting to be a drain on me. On one hand, it has been good for training as I have spent a lot of time thinking and doing sword drills by myself, on the other, it would be nice to have a source of income especially with you coming so soon. For the last couple of weeks I have been working at the Utah State Fair, so that has been something to help with it. Now that is over and today I went back to my solo training at the gym. But what have I learned in all of this?
Your training is like a toolbox, that is universal whether you do a sword related sport, or something else, you train so you have the best options and tools at arms reach when you find that you need to use them. The problem is that if you do not train with something for awhile it becomes harder to remember just how it works so the key as I see it is to train some very core essentials that apply more often than not. If you train your footwork in sword for example, when it comes time to cover distance, or move out of the way of your opponents weapon, you will not have to think consciously about it and can simply do.
Drills suck, but they are incredibly important.
I took a break from training for the fair, but today I was back in the gym hitting it again. When I was training a few weeks back I was in a match where I faced an opponent who I wanted to move around. What I found is I had made that step, hundreds if not a couple of thousand times so when I wanted to cut to the right I already knew in my body what I needed to do to get there. That is what drills do for you. They build that memory in your body so you do not have to think "I want to move to the right while cutting here, how do I do that?" and more "cut with this step." Last night at fencing I found that we were doing a drill and I had done lunges so many times that I felt my form was good and all I had to do was think, Lunge. I did with the right form.
Don't over complicate things.
Some things are complicated, you do X they do Y you counter with Z, they counter with B and so on. But when you are training, train each of the things on it's own but know how to transition. That is all. In class we often say that we train for the ideal situation, but you will only see that maybe 1% of the time. Complicated looks cool, but the more things you are adding in the more things can go wrong, keep your training simple, work on things that have wide application, like breathing with cuts and you will be much better off than if you are forcing things.
In the last 2 weeks I have done a lot more cutting than I ever have and I found out some very basic things. The first is when I cut, if I feel like I have to force it or am forcing things through, it is not as good as when, for lack of a better term, I let the cut happen I take a breath in, then as I breathe out I let the motion happen. If you focus too much on forcing things to happen, it is going to be much harder than if you let it happen. Do not be afraid of taking a breath sometimes, taking in what is going on and moving with it. This is not just a sword thing. When I broke my wrist in jr High it was because I was trying to keep my arms strong and braced for a fall. If I had flexed them more, I could have spread the fall and not been hurt so bad. Sometimes you just have to let go of trying to control things and just follow them. Breathe often, and if you are stressed or feel like you have to force something, take a good 3 or 4 breaths and then come back to it.
Your value is not predicated on the job you do. (Though sometimes that is tied to a particular pay grade) Your value is not dependent on who will and who will not be your friend. Your value is not in the things you have. Your value is in who you are. What others think about you should not define you though it is sometimes good feedback and you get to choose what to do with that. It will seem like you are in the world alone even when you have people supporting you. You are the only one who can really choose what your value is and what you are going to do with it. There will be voices from all over who will tell you to do this or that, but you are going to have to figure out what is your way, then do that. As long as you are following what you feel is right, you will be fine. There will be choices that you have to make, do you do the thing you love and get paid less to do it, or the thing you are not a fan of but it gives you the time or resources to do what you love. You will have to decide, but know that as long as you are being authentic and honest, there is nothing you cannot accomplish somehow.
-Dad
(Man it feels good to address you that way kiddo!)
As you know, I have been out of work since the beginning of August and it is starting to be a drain on me. On one hand, it has been good for training as I have spent a lot of time thinking and doing sword drills by myself, on the other, it would be nice to have a source of income especially with you coming so soon. For the last couple of weeks I have been working at the Utah State Fair, so that has been something to help with it. Now that is over and today I went back to my solo training at the gym. But what have I learned in all of this?
Your training is like a toolbox, that is universal whether you do a sword related sport, or something else, you train so you have the best options and tools at arms reach when you find that you need to use them. The problem is that if you do not train with something for awhile it becomes harder to remember just how it works so the key as I see it is to train some very core essentials that apply more often than not. If you train your footwork in sword for example, when it comes time to cover distance, or move out of the way of your opponents weapon, you will not have to think consciously about it and can simply do.
Drills suck, but they are incredibly important.
I took a break from training for the fair, but today I was back in the gym hitting it again. When I was training a few weeks back I was in a match where I faced an opponent who I wanted to move around. What I found is I had made that step, hundreds if not a couple of thousand times so when I wanted to cut to the right I already knew in my body what I needed to do to get there. That is what drills do for you. They build that memory in your body so you do not have to think "I want to move to the right while cutting here, how do I do that?" and more "cut with this step." Last night at fencing I found that we were doing a drill and I had done lunges so many times that I felt my form was good and all I had to do was think, Lunge. I did with the right form.
Don't over complicate things.
Some things are complicated, you do X they do Y you counter with Z, they counter with B and so on. But when you are training, train each of the things on it's own but know how to transition. That is all. In class we often say that we train for the ideal situation, but you will only see that maybe 1% of the time. Complicated looks cool, but the more things you are adding in the more things can go wrong, keep your training simple, work on things that have wide application, like breathing with cuts and you will be much better off than if you are forcing things.
In the last 2 weeks I have done a lot more cutting than I ever have and I found out some very basic things. The first is when I cut, if I feel like I have to force it or am forcing things through, it is not as good as when, for lack of a better term, I let the cut happen I take a breath in, then as I breathe out I let the motion happen. If you focus too much on forcing things to happen, it is going to be much harder than if you let it happen. Do not be afraid of taking a breath sometimes, taking in what is going on and moving with it. This is not just a sword thing. When I broke my wrist in jr High it was because I was trying to keep my arms strong and braced for a fall. If I had flexed them more, I could have spread the fall and not been hurt so bad. Sometimes you just have to let go of trying to control things and just follow them. Breathe often, and if you are stressed or feel like you have to force something, take a good 3 or 4 breaths and then come back to it.
Your value is not predicated on the job you do. (Though sometimes that is tied to a particular pay grade) Your value is not dependent on who will and who will not be your friend. Your value is not in the things you have. Your value is in who you are. What others think about you should not define you though it is sometimes good feedback and you get to choose what to do with that. It will seem like you are in the world alone even when you have people supporting you. You are the only one who can really choose what your value is and what you are going to do with it. There will be voices from all over who will tell you to do this or that, but you are going to have to figure out what is your way, then do that. As long as you are following what you feel is right, you will be fine. There will be choices that you have to make, do you do the thing you love and get paid less to do it, or the thing you are not a fan of but it gives you the time or resources to do what you love. You will have to decide, but know that as long as you are being authentic and honest, there is nothing you cannot accomplish somehow.
-Dad
Friday, September 11, 2015
40 days: Why the Utah state fair matters to me.
Sean,
You are now 40 days from us. I have been working at the Utah State Fair long hours for the last few days, but as I was working at the Utah's own Taste of Utah event today, I thought I needed to write why the fair matters to me, why I come back every year, and why it is important to me that there is a fair every year.
Does the Utah State Fair matter?
A long time ago, the state fair was a place to celebrate the
accomplishments of all of us together. It was a place to showcase new and
exciting things, the next thing that would revolutionize the world, or change
the face of your home forever. It was the place where bragging rights were won
or lost for the rest of the year. “You may have won the blue ribbon at the
county fair Martha, but I won the blue ribbon at the State fair!” The county fair was a show; the state fair
was the BIG show.
Before we were so connected by the internet and cell phones,
the state fair was a place for all of us to come together and to truly see the
best the state has to offer. The smell of roasted sweet corn and the sounds of
goats and cows filled the brisk evening air. One could ask in the world where
everything is digital and we don’t do anything without our cell phones, or
social media, do we need a state fair anymore? But the truth is in this day and
age, when we are so connected online, we need real interaction now more than we
ever have.
When a 1st grader has never seen a cow or a
litter of piglets except on TV or in a book, we need a state fair. It is a nod
to our agricultural roots, and a reason to come together no matter where in the
state we come from. As a state, our backgrounds may divide us by city or county,
but at the state fair we are one common people, one common state. With as much
as divides us, the state fair unites us. There are hundreds of celebrations,
fairs and shows throughout the year, but only one that celebrates our state and
who we are as a common people and that, that alone is worth saving.
It is worth saving not just for ourselves but for the
generations who will come after us. It is the heritage of our state we are preserving
and the future of our state that we are promoting. A cell phone will never give
you the experience riding a ride will, or winning a prize for your sweetheart,
or biting into a freshly dipped corn dog, or replace the look on a toddlers face
their first time seeing a goat, or a pig, or a sheep, or a cow in person. (Or
animal)
The state fair matters because we need to come together to
remember where we came from, and where we are capable of going if we work
together to preserve it. The state fair
is not another show, it is a piece of our living legacy handed to us from the
generations who preceded us, and one we can give to all of the generations who
will come after us.
-Jordan R Hinckley
(-Dad)
Sunday, September 6, 2015
45 days: What's in a name?
Punchy,
One little thing to get this started. I have decided to post a blog when I feel there is something to say as I am starting to feel like writing every day turns out sub par posts that sometimes are all on the same thing. Sometimes you have to adjust the what you agree on because it just does not fit things and you have to readjust your commitment so you are in integrity. That is a part of being a responsible person in life. But enough on that, on to the blog for tonight.
To say that your mom and I came to your name quickly and easily would be a lie. For some things in life, names, and indeed words themselves come easily. Some names you choose yourself, some are chosen for you by others. We started talking about names before you were even conceived, and had many different rules that we both agreed on. You will know many people in your life with many strange and different names. Your mom and I wanted to give you something that leaned more traditional, but something with some options as to what you choose to be called, or some options that people could easily call you. We wanted something simple, but something that you could live with for all of your life.
Your mom is fond of saying you never know how many people you do not like until you go to name your child. We spent weeks going through names that we liked, throwing out names of people we dated even before we knew you were a boy. We wanted your name to be something that we did not have connections to, no naming you directly after someone who you would grow up knowing. We wanted to name you something that was in the family, and once we found some things that were on both sides those were given heavier weight as we liked that. We went through entire baby name books and pulled from them half a dozen that we liked. Compiled and re-compiled and combined them. Looked for people in popular media that we knew of with that name and decided if that connection mattered or was any good. In short we took a lot of time to decide just what we would call you.
Your mom is named Cindy but growing up and still today people sometimes think her real name is Cynthia. Your Grandma Judy growing up and sometimes and still today people think her name is Judith. Your Aunt Maggie is named Margaret, while your uncle Mark, goes by Mark within the Stephenson family and Richard outside of it. We wanted to make sure you had options, but when thinking like that we also had to think like 1st graders and think of what rhyming things we could make up to make fun of your name. Chuck is a great name, but if you have ever played the name game you know it ends not so well there. I have always thought that if your last name is something that when combined with your first name, your parents should have been more careful when naming you. If your last name is Butts, Seymour is not a good first name, things like that. Initials also fall into this category.
We may call you several things. It is possible that we have gone through variations on the names we call you but I feel we have found something with options, that fits all of our criteria while still giving you a name that we feel is good, strong, and something we hope you love, even if you do not like it in your teenage years (This is not as uncommon as you, or your friends think it may be, even if you feel like you are the first to come up with it, you are not.) When I worked at the hospital I had people call me boss, and Jefe, and sometimes Mr Jordan. Your mom even calls me Jojo sometimes as that is her name for me. these are things people give you but if you do not feel like they fit say something.
This brings me to names that you choose. Most of your grandparents, and great aunts and great uncles have a name you call them. When I choose to go by dad, I am not sure where it came from just that I felt it was something I liked. Same with your mom. I called your Pompa, Papa growing up, and your Grandma Judy, Mama (though it sometime changed to mother, we really do not remember when or how) Tonight at your Great Aunt Mary's Birthday your Grandma Stephenson told us she wanted to be called Ama which is Icelandic for Grandma, and your Grandpa Stephenson agreed to Rocky (We have witnesses Richard!) I have friends who go by things that are nothing like their names but it is what they prefer to be called. This is OK too and something that you may one day decide to do or not for yourself. When your cousin Emily was in high school she went by Toby or Oktober. I sometimes go by Dragon or Dragon Fyre as it was my swordsmans name, given to me by my first sword instructor. These are things we choose for ourselves but at the end of the day we all have legally binding names that we are to the state or federal government and only a legal name change modifies that.
We wanted to give you something that had some history, but we loved. Your first name is something that has not been on either side ever, until you as far as we know. We love the name and do not have strong connections to it from people in our past to color any otherwise. We have both known and still know some but do not have bad connections to it differently. Originally we only looked at one middle name but decided on two.Your first middle name is one of the most popular names over the last century, but was also family names on both sides of my family, and both sides of your moms. Your second middle name is something that is also on both of my family sides and a name your mom is strongly connected to on her side. After we decided on it we realized that it matches the tune of John-Jacob-Jingleheimer-schmitt and as a result we have been singing it to you for awhile now.
A name is what you make it, we are only giving you the bones, you will have to decide what you are going to do with it. If someone calls you something you do not like, it is your choice how to respond to it but ultimately, you will pick what you call yourself, and the way you are called by others. There is never a reason to be ashamed of your name, it is something you are born with and unless you feel it does not and cannot fit, it is something you will have for life. It is not something we took lightly as to us, it mattered what you were named as we know that it will be your name for life and that means it is a lot of pressure on us to do it the right way, for your sake.
we love you Sean William Martin Hinckley,
-Dad
One little thing to get this started. I have decided to post a blog when I feel there is something to say as I am starting to feel like writing every day turns out sub par posts that sometimes are all on the same thing. Sometimes you have to adjust the what you agree on because it just does not fit things and you have to readjust your commitment so you are in integrity. That is a part of being a responsible person in life. But enough on that, on to the blog for tonight.
To say that your mom and I came to your name quickly and easily would be a lie. For some things in life, names, and indeed words themselves come easily. Some names you choose yourself, some are chosen for you by others. We started talking about names before you were even conceived, and had many different rules that we both agreed on. You will know many people in your life with many strange and different names. Your mom and I wanted to give you something that leaned more traditional, but something with some options as to what you choose to be called, or some options that people could easily call you. We wanted something simple, but something that you could live with for all of your life.
Your mom is fond of saying you never know how many people you do not like until you go to name your child. We spent weeks going through names that we liked, throwing out names of people we dated even before we knew you were a boy. We wanted your name to be something that we did not have connections to, no naming you directly after someone who you would grow up knowing. We wanted to name you something that was in the family, and once we found some things that were on both sides those were given heavier weight as we liked that. We went through entire baby name books and pulled from them half a dozen that we liked. Compiled and re-compiled and combined them. Looked for people in popular media that we knew of with that name and decided if that connection mattered or was any good. In short we took a lot of time to decide just what we would call you.
Your mom is named Cindy but growing up and still today people sometimes think her real name is Cynthia. Your Grandma Judy growing up and sometimes and still today people think her name is Judith. Your Aunt Maggie is named Margaret, while your uncle Mark, goes by Mark within the Stephenson family and Richard outside of it. We wanted to make sure you had options, but when thinking like that we also had to think like 1st graders and think of what rhyming things we could make up to make fun of your name. Chuck is a great name, but if you have ever played the name game you know it ends not so well there. I have always thought that if your last name is something that when combined with your first name, your parents should have been more careful when naming you. If your last name is Butts, Seymour is not a good first name, things like that. Initials also fall into this category.
We may call you several things. It is possible that we have gone through variations on the names we call you but I feel we have found something with options, that fits all of our criteria while still giving you a name that we feel is good, strong, and something we hope you love, even if you do not like it in your teenage years (This is not as uncommon as you, or your friends think it may be, even if you feel like you are the first to come up with it, you are not.) When I worked at the hospital I had people call me boss, and Jefe, and sometimes Mr Jordan. Your mom even calls me Jojo sometimes as that is her name for me. these are things people give you but if you do not feel like they fit say something.
This brings me to names that you choose. Most of your grandparents, and great aunts and great uncles have a name you call them. When I choose to go by dad, I am not sure where it came from just that I felt it was something I liked. Same with your mom. I called your Pompa, Papa growing up, and your Grandma Judy, Mama (though it sometime changed to mother, we really do not remember when or how) Tonight at your Great Aunt Mary's Birthday your Grandma Stephenson told us she wanted to be called Ama which is Icelandic for Grandma, and your Grandpa Stephenson agreed to Rocky (We have witnesses Richard!) I have friends who go by things that are nothing like their names but it is what they prefer to be called. This is OK too and something that you may one day decide to do or not for yourself. When your cousin Emily was in high school she went by Toby or Oktober. I sometimes go by Dragon or Dragon Fyre as it was my swordsmans name, given to me by my first sword instructor. These are things we choose for ourselves but at the end of the day we all have legally binding names that we are to the state or federal government and only a legal name change modifies that.
We wanted to give you something that had some history, but we loved. Your first name is something that has not been on either side ever, until you as far as we know. We love the name and do not have strong connections to it from people in our past to color any otherwise. We have both known and still know some but do not have bad connections to it differently. Originally we only looked at one middle name but decided on two.Your first middle name is one of the most popular names over the last century, but was also family names on both sides of my family, and both sides of your moms. Your second middle name is something that is also on both of my family sides and a name your mom is strongly connected to on her side. After we decided on it we realized that it matches the tune of John-Jacob-Jingleheimer-schmitt and as a result we have been singing it to you for awhile now.
A name is what you make it, we are only giving you the bones, you will have to decide what you are going to do with it. If someone calls you something you do not like, it is your choice how to respond to it but ultimately, you will pick what you call yourself, and the way you are called by others. There is never a reason to be ashamed of your name, it is something you are born with and unless you feel it does not and cannot fit, it is something you will have for life. It is not something we took lightly as to us, it mattered what you were named as we know that it will be your name for life and that means it is a lot of pressure on us to do it the right way, for your sake.
we love you Sean William Martin Hinckley,
-Dad
Thursday, September 3, 2015
48 days feeling superior vs acting that way.
Punchy,
As of this morning your mom is 33 weeks pregnant. I am not sure how it will be but we are excited to see you when you are ready to come.
Last night I was talking to your mom about some things and there were a couple of things that came up that I feel I need to write about the next couple of days. Today we will talk about feeling superior and acting that way.
In life, you will make choices or have an opinion which you feel is the right one. You make like a certain brand of car or another, or think that taking this class or that one is better, you may even believe that doing things a certain way is the better way to do it. It is human nature to do something, or believe something and believe that it makes you better than others. There is a lot of talk about discrimination but some of that is built into who we are as humans. Telling the difference between people helped us in our history. I will not say that you will not feel that what you believe or do is better than what others believe or do but I will tell you this. You are expected to treat people as your equal no matter what.
People will not always agree with what you believe or do. I cannot say that I always will believe the same or agree with your choices, but I respect your right to do it. You may think that this brand of car is better than that, or this sport is better than that one, or that your classes are better or make you smarter than someone else. However you have no right to treat someone as your lesser as a result of it. Let me say this again to be perfectly clear. You have the right to feel superior. that is part of being human, what you do not is treating someone as lesser as a result of it.
If you have a friend who is of a certain faith and you are not of that faith, you may feel that you are right and they are wrong. Your feelings are allowed, what is not is for you to treat them any less because of it. You may have a friend who says Fords are the best cars, and you think Dodge is better. You do not have to agree, yes you can make little jokes about it but you are not allowed to call them stupid or get into fights about it because you do not agree.
Discussion is a good thing, talking about the virtues of both is a good thing, and eventually you may have to come to a place where you do not agree but walk away from the argument for the sake of keeping friendships. I have many people in my life that I do not agree with, they share some opinions I do not feel are the right ones, but rather than throwing them out of my life completely, I listen to it, hear what they have to say, and if I do not find value in it, let it go. Why keep these friendships if I do not agree 100% with them? Because there is something that we DO have in common like sword, or Heavy Athletics, or a shared history, and it is better to have allies I may not agree 100% with than to be alone in what seems to feel like a huge world already.
Think what you will. Speak it if you must, but I will not ever put up with you treating someone less than you are because they do not agree with you. You may love the arts and think that math is dumb, but do not treat those who love it less than you. As we have talked about before you are allowed to dislike the opinion someone has, you may dislike their actions, but never treat them as your inferiors unless you wish to be treated as such by others. When I was working at the U I had a team, each of them "worked for me" but the moment I acted like they were my inferiors, I lost their respect. We all had different jobs, and I was responsible for the work they did, but that did not make me better or higher than they were, just different. Embrace the differences. You may think of feel you are better than your peers, but treat others as your equals and they are more likely to do the same to you.
It may not always work, but you must do what you can, treat people as your equals and they will rise to the occasion, or at least you can walk away knowing that you did not treat them as your lessers when no man is your lesser. We all have talents, we all have things that make us, us, we all are different, but in that never, treat someone less because they are different from you.
-Dad
As of this morning your mom is 33 weeks pregnant. I am not sure how it will be but we are excited to see you when you are ready to come.
Last night I was talking to your mom about some things and there were a couple of things that came up that I feel I need to write about the next couple of days. Today we will talk about feeling superior and acting that way.
In life, you will make choices or have an opinion which you feel is the right one. You make like a certain brand of car or another, or think that taking this class or that one is better, you may even believe that doing things a certain way is the better way to do it. It is human nature to do something, or believe something and believe that it makes you better than others. There is a lot of talk about discrimination but some of that is built into who we are as humans. Telling the difference between people helped us in our history. I will not say that you will not feel that what you believe or do is better than what others believe or do but I will tell you this. You are expected to treat people as your equal no matter what.
People will not always agree with what you believe or do. I cannot say that I always will believe the same or agree with your choices, but I respect your right to do it. You may think that this brand of car is better than that, or this sport is better than that one, or that your classes are better or make you smarter than someone else. However you have no right to treat someone as your lesser as a result of it. Let me say this again to be perfectly clear. You have the right to feel superior. that is part of being human, what you do not is treating someone as lesser as a result of it.
If you have a friend who is of a certain faith and you are not of that faith, you may feel that you are right and they are wrong. Your feelings are allowed, what is not is for you to treat them any less because of it. You may have a friend who says Fords are the best cars, and you think Dodge is better. You do not have to agree, yes you can make little jokes about it but you are not allowed to call them stupid or get into fights about it because you do not agree.
Discussion is a good thing, talking about the virtues of both is a good thing, and eventually you may have to come to a place where you do not agree but walk away from the argument for the sake of keeping friendships. I have many people in my life that I do not agree with, they share some opinions I do not feel are the right ones, but rather than throwing them out of my life completely, I listen to it, hear what they have to say, and if I do not find value in it, let it go. Why keep these friendships if I do not agree 100% with them? Because there is something that we DO have in common like sword, or Heavy Athletics, or a shared history, and it is better to have allies I may not agree 100% with than to be alone in what seems to feel like a huge world already.
Think what you will. Speak it if you must, but I will not ever put up with you treating someone less than you are because they do not agree with you. You may love the arts and think that math is dumb, but do not treat those who love it less than you. As we have talked about before you are allowed to dislike the opinion someone has, you may dislike their actions, but never treat them as your inferiors unless you wish to be treated as such by others. When I was working at the U I had a team, each of them "worked for me" but the moment I acted like they were my inferiors, I lost their respect. We all had different jobs, and I was responsible for the work they did, but that did not make me better or higher than they were, just different. Embrace the differences. You may think of feel you are better than your peers, but treat others as your equals and they are more likely to do the same to you.
It may not always work, but you must do what you can, treat people as your equals and they will rise to the occasion, or at least you can walk away knowing that you did not treat them as your lessers when no man is your lesser. We all have talents, we all have things that make us, us, we all are different, but in that never, treat someone less because they are different from you.
-Dad
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
49 days Don't get away from your core.
Punchy,
Yesterday I interviewed for a job, today I found out that I did not get it. Over the last few weeks I have been in a bit of a funk. I am trying to figure out what it is that I want to do. On one hand I can dive back in and do the same or a similar job again, on the other it is a question of do I do something else.
Focus on what is core to you. I am not sure where I will end up for jobs, but it is a question of looking at things I enjoy and am good at doing. I took some time today to think about what I love to do and am good at and here is what I came up with. I love Sword. (Duh!) I love to teach and educate people on history and the things I love like sword. I love to have a job well done. When I started doing floor care I always took pride in walking away knowing that they looked better because I had worked on them and had done the job the right way. It is easy to cut corners, but the satisfaction of a job well done cannot be understated.
When I am working in the shop, I like to have things done the right way. There is no pride in doing it in a way that will do for now but you have to fix later, the only exception to that is when there is a deadline and you need something that functions but is not finished only to come back to it later.
I like to write, and sometimes can be pretty good at it. So why not just build things in the shop? The challenge as I see it is that I love to build things but do not want to spend my whole time making a bunch of one or 2 items repeatedly then try to sell them.
I love sword, but I am not ready for the step where I teach it full time. There are some things that I have to do before I am ready, the least of which is that in class I am not an Instructor yet, that is a big word, but it has a lot of meaning to me. We are not in a place where we are ready yet. I am also not in a place where I can teach history in schools full time yet, so at this point I am looking for something to pay the bills until I am ready for those steps.
Do what you believe in, what is core to you. I enjoy all of these things, and will do what I need to so we keep a roof over our heads, but at this point I am looking for something that will allow me to do what I love. It is a hard place to be but I have to have some faith that it will work out, no matter what that means.
Love you Kiddo-
-Dad
Yesterday I interviewed for a job, today I found out that I did not get it. Over the last few weeks I have been in a bit of a funk. I am trying to figure out what it is that I want to do. On one hand I can dive back in and do the same or a similar job again, on the other it is a question of do I do something else.
Focus on what is core to you. I am not sure where I will end up for jobs, but it is a question of looking at things I enjoy and am good at doing. I took some time today to think about what I love to do and am good at and here is what I came up with. I love Sword. (Duh!) I love to teach and educate people on history and the things I love like sword. I love to have a job well done. When I started doing floor care I always took pride in walking away knowing that they looked better because I had worked on them and had done the job the right way. It is easy to cut corners, but the satisfaction of a job well done cannot be understated.
When I am working in the shop, I like to have things done the right way. There is no pride in doing it in a way that will do for now but you have to fix later, the only exception to that is when there is a deadline and you need something that functions but is not finished only to come back to it later.
I like to write, and sometimes can be pretty good at it. So why not just build things in the shop? The challenge as I see it is that I love to build things but do not want to spend my whole time making a bunch of one or 2 items repeatedly then try to sell them.
I love sword, but I am not ready for the step where I teach it full time. There are some things that I have to do before I am ready, the least of which is that in class I am not an Instructor yet, that is a big word, but it has a lot of meaning to me. We are not in a place where we are ready yet. I am also not in a place where I can teach history in schools full time yet, so at this point I am looking for something to pay the bills until I am ready for those steps.
Do what you believe in, what is core to you. I enjoy all of these things, and will do what I need to so we keep a roof over our heads, but at this point I am looking for something that will allow me to do what I love. It is a hard place to be but I have to have some faith that it will work out, no matter what that means.
Love you Kiddo-
-Dad
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
50 days Make promises you can keep
Punchy,
I understand the Irony on this post. I am posting it just a day after I missed several days of blogs and decided I will not go back and write them. Yes, I promised you I would write every day but life happened and here we are.
It is now the beginning of September. Today I caught up on work outs, then got ready and went to an interview at Ogden Regional Hospital. Overall I think it went well but if I do get it, it will mean some big changes for our life for awhile that I had not planned on. Here is the lesson today, if you promise something to someone follow through, or if you have to change it because things come up, tell them or make sure they know. You cannot always follow through on everything you promise, but you can let people know if you need to change the terms of the promise. If you say you are going to be somewhere then can't tell them you won't so they know what is going on. Life is like that.
Sometimes you may find that you have deadlines that no matter how hard you work to meet them they just won't happen. Things come up, life happens, and you have to change plans. It happens some times, but where it is not ok is when you change plans and do not tell anyone involved that you had to. Lets say you had planned to take someone out on a date, you had talked about it for days and finally the day arrives, you ask to use the car and for whatever reason you can't or you have problems with your car, or work calls you in or something. Life's little stuff will come up, sometimes at the worst times. When that happens do what you can to do what you said you would, but if you just can't make sure that you communicate that as well.
If you tell someone you will be at their party, show up, or let them know why you can't when you know. If you are going to miss the deadline, tell the person you agreed about it to that you will miss it and when you will be able to meet it. Lots of things in life are negotiable, not everything, but some things. If you must promise to do something or meet a deadline, do it, or say why you cannot. Doing that is being in integrity.
Before I had even met your mom in person we were supposed to meet one Saturday afternoon after a family party she had done and when sword was over. I came home and fell into a sword coma and did not talk to her until after it was too late. That day I nearly lost the chance to meet her at all as she saw that action as flaky, and she did not want to date someone who forgot or let things like that slip by. Had I talked to her before it would have been better but I did not and as a result we almost never met.
Make promises, then keep them. Or if you can't tell the person you made the promise to what your plan is. You will not be as respected for this as if you had kept your promise, but it will go a long way towards keeping respect you have with people if you tell the truth about the promise then if you give them something to keep them hoping only to fail them later. If you tell someone you will take them on a date, do it or don't promise it. If I have learned anything from my time dating, it is that it is better to tell the truth than to say something to make someone feel better then never follow through. Be accountable to yourself, and to others. Only make promises you know you can keep.
Does that mean that you never make promises? Nope, it means that if you say I will do X on Saturday you do it, or renegotiate. If you are not sure if you will have time tell them you think you can but you are not sure you can do so. Make sure they know what is your word, and what you possibly may not be able to do. Make it clear so they do not build plans into it. but let them know either way as soon as you can.
-Dad
I understand the Irony on this post. I am posting it just a day after I missed several days of blogs and decided I will not go back and write them. Yes, I promised you I would write every day but life happened and here we are.
It is now the beginning of September. Today I caught up on work outs, then got ready and went to an interview at Ogden Regional Hospital. Overall I think it went well but if I do get it, it will mean some big changes for our life for awhile that I had not planned on. Here is the lesson today, if you promise something to someone follow through, or if you have to change it because things come up, tell them or make sure they know. You cannot always follow through on everything you promise, but you can let people know if you need to change the terms of the promise. If you say you are going to be somewhere then can't tell them you won't so they know what is going on. Life is like that.
Sometimes you may find that you have deadlines that no matter how hard you work to meet them they just won't happen. Things come up, life happens, and you have to change plans. It happens some times, but where it is not ok is when you change plans and do not tell anyone involved that you had to. Lets say you had planned to take someone out on a date, you had talked about it for days and finally the day arrives, you ask to use the car and for whatever reason you can't or you have problems with your car, or work calls you in or something. Life's little stuff will come up, sometimes at the worst times. When that happens do what you can to do what you said you would, but if you just can't make sure that you communicate that as well.
If you tell someone you will be at their party, show up, or let them know why you can't when you know. If you are going to miss the deadline, tell the person you agreed about it to that you will miss it and when you will be able to meet it. Lots of things in life are negotiable, not everything, but some things. If you must promise to do something or meet a deadline, do it, or say why you cannot. Doing that is being in integrity.
Before I had even met your mom in person we were supposed to meet one Saturday afternoon after a family party she had done and when sword was over. I came home and fell into a sword coma and did not talk to her until after it was too late. That day I nearly lost the chance to meet her at all as she saw that action as flaky, and she did not want to date someone who forgot or let things like that slip by. Had I talked to her before it would have been better but I did not and as a result we almost never met.
Make promises, then keep them. Or if you can't tell the person you made the promise to what your plan is. You will not be as respected for this as if you had kept your promise, but it will go a long way towards keeping respect you have with people if you tell the truth about the promise then if you give them something to keep them hoping only to fail them later. If you tell someone you will take them on a date, do it or don't promise it. If I have learned anything from my time dating, it is that it is better to tell the truth than to say something to make someone feel better then never follow through. Be accountable to yourself, and to others. Only make promises you know you can keep.
Does that mean that you never make promises? Nope, it means that if you say I will do X on Saturday you do it, or renegotiate. If you are not sure if you will have time tell them you think you can but you are not sure you can do so. Make sure they know what is your word, and what you possibly may not be able to do. Make it clear so they do not build plans into it. but let them know either way as soon as you can.
-Dad
Monday, August 31, 2015
51 days Act not in Anger
Little guy,
I have missed the last few days, far too much has been going on with the Renaissance festival to write every day, and yesterday I will be honest I was so warn out, I just did not take the time to write.
The Ren Faire was a blast, I had so much fun in Character, between announcing the Joust, doing knightings, talking to people about Henry VIII, and on Saturday getting some really fun pictures in costume as well as meeting a lot of new people, spending time with some old friends I do not spend enough time with, it was a great weekend. Yes, it was hot in my costume, but it was worth every minute being too warm knowing just how well it was going. between the guild, the Wolf Hounds, the Jousters, the Coffin maker, the musicians, it was a great weekend and a much needed distraction from the job search with some great people.
On Thursday I was going down to set up for the festival and got a call from Ogden regional, they wanted to interview me for a job and they called me again today to set it up for tomorrow. Hopefully it is only a sign of good things to come. Sometimes you have to do what you can and let things unfold as they will.
Today I want to talk to you about anger.
There is a story about a Samurai who is sent by his master to find a man and cut him down for a crime that he had committed. When he found the man he told him why he was there, and the man spit in his face. At that moment the Samurai stopped and walked away as he knew that he could not finish his job. If he had done so at that moment it would be out of anger not his duty to his lord so he walked away. Be as that Samurai. If you are angry and upset, do not do things that you may regret later. Do the right things because they are the right things to do.
Last week for a few days I was depressed and angry about the University. Some of that came as ways I could "get them back for what they did to me." I racked my mind, thinking of things, ways I could show them, ways I could prove to them that they had made a mistake, ways I could get them back for the wrong I felt had been done to me but all it was was revenge. I could write bad reviews, I could do a thousand or more things to harm the jobs of the people who had let me go, but at the end of the day, that is not and cannot be my place. There is a beauty to karma in that it works itself, at the end of the day things that are coming will come.
Anger will eat you up from the inside, and more often than not the consequences will not come out as you plan or think it will. Revenge is never without consequences, and it will never make things right. Revenge comes out of anger and feeling that somehow the wrong done to you will be made better if the person who did it has a similar thing happen to them. Lets say someone kills your brother, does it make it better if you kill theirs? At the end of the day, you have 2 dead people but no one is made happy by the loss they suffer knowing that the other had to have the same thing done to them. Anger and frustration does not solve problems. Anger will come but that does not mean you have to let it rule you. You are always at choice about your actions. If someone makes you mad, it does not mean you have to hit them, you are in choice for the way you respond.
You will get angry sometimes, but do not forget that you are in control of your actions. Anger will come and sometimes will prove a great motivator to get things done, but you are in control of the way you act from it. Be as the Samurai, act as is your duty, but when it becomes something else remove yourself from the situation. Your motivation matters, know that some things will make you mad, but you alone are responsible for the way you act those emotions out.
You are not even born yet and I love you already kiddo.
-Dad
I have missed the last few days, far too much has been going on with the Renaissance festival to write every day, and yesterday I will be honest I was so warn out, I just did not take the time to write.
The Ren Faire was a blast, I had so much fun in Character, between announcing the Joust, doing knightings, talking to people about Henry VIII, and on Saturday getting some really fun pictures in costume as well as meeting a lot of new people, spending time with some old friends I do not spend enough time with, it was a great weekend. Yes, it was hot in my costume, but it was worth every minute being too warm knowing just how well it was going. between the guild, the Wolf Hounds, the Jousters, the Coffin maker, the musicians, it was a great weekend and a much needed distraction from the job search with some great people.
On Thursday I was going down to set up for the festival and got a call from Ogden regional, they wanted to interview me for a job and they called me again today to set it up for tomorrow. Hopefully it is only a sign of good things to come. Sometimes you have to do what you can and let things unfold as they will.
Today I want to talk to you about anger.
There is a story about a Samurai who is sent by his master to find a man and cut him down for a crime that he had committed. When he found the man he told him why he was there, and the man spit in his face. At that moment the Samurai stopped and walked away as he knew that he could not finish his job. If he had done so at that moment it would be out of anger not his duty to his lord so he walked away. Be as that Samurai. If you are angry and upset, do not do things that you may regret later. Do the right things because they are the right things to do.
Last week for a few days I was depressed and angry about the University. Some of that came as ways I could "get them back for what they did to me." I racked my mind, thinking of things, ways I could show them, ways I could prove to them that they had made a mistake, ways I could get them back for the wrong I felt had been done to me but all it was was revenge. I could write bad reviews, I could do a thousand or more things to harm the jobs of the people who had let me go, but at the end of the day, that is not and cannot be my place. There is a beauty to karma in that it works itself, at the end of the day things that are coming will come.
Anger will eat you up from the inside, and more often than not the consequences will not come out as you plan or think it will. Revenge is never without consequences, and it will never make things right. Revenge comes out of anger and feeling that somehow the wrong done to you will be made better if the person who did it has a similar thing happen to them. Lets say someone kills your brother, does it make it better if you kill theirs? At the end of the day, you have 2 dead people but no one is made happy by the loss they suffer knowing that the other had to have the same thing done to them. Anger and frustration does not solve problems. Anger will come but that does not mean you have to let it rule you. You are always at choice about your actions. If someone makes you mad, it does not mean you have to hit them, you are in choice for the way you respond.
You will get angry sometimes, but do not forget that you are in control of your actions. Anger will come and sometimes will prove a great motivator to get things done, but you are in control of the way you act from it. Be as the Samurai, act as is your duty, but when it becomes something else remove yourself from the situation. Your motivation matters, know that some things will make you mad, but you alone are responsible for the way you act those emotions out.
You are not even born yet and I love you already kiddo.
-Dad
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
56 days My Henry
My Son,
As you will undoubtedly know at this time I am playing the part of Henry VIII with the house of Tudor guild at several of the local events. He is an imposing character but it has been important to me to understand him so I can understand who he was so I can get into his head and play it well, this is what I know.
Who was Henry VIII as I see him?
If I could nail down one thing that ran throughout his life I would say that Henry VIII was insecure about many things and as such went over the top to avoid the things he was scared of. His reign was never secure, he was always worried that someone else may have more power than he, and if that happened, we was worried about loosing everything that his father had fought for. He had acquaintances but never close friends short of his wives and even then perhaps not so much. Yes he was an imposing figure but in many ways he was also a sad one.
Henry was never supposed to be king. His brother Arthur was to take over for his father Henry VII. He was 11 when his brother died but all of that time he had not been ready for being king. His father died not long before he turned 18. After he was crowned king of England that he had 2 of his fathers advisers killed who may or may not have been embezzling funds from taxes. Why would he do that? Some point to it just being the beginning of a bloody reign where thousands were killed. I think he did it to keep good face to his people and show them that he was willing to right the wrongs of his father in order to do what was right for the country. It is also said that he did not run the country early on as much as he left much of it to his advisers. This makes sense to me in a way as he was 18 and did not want to be bogged down with running the country King or not, he wanted to do the fun parts of being king like having feasts, festivals, and playing sport and jousting.
Catherine of Aragon and the great matter: Henry needed to have a male heir. When his father came to the throne after Richard III died his claim to the throne was shakey at best. Henry was then the second son of a King who there may have still been doubt that he should have been in power in the first place. There were countless people in court and away from it who could claim that they had just as legitimate claim to the throne. Henry had to have a male heir because if he died without one it was questionable if his family would keep power of the throne. He was married to Catherine of Aragon for 16 years before he decides that he could not be anymore. In many ways Anne Boleyn was claimed to be the reason he pushed for it, but it had to be in his mind in some way that he NEEDED to have a male heir if the reign of his family was going to be secure. He felt as though he had been patient but he had somehow done wrong either by God, or there was something wrong with her as he had fathered another male child before this time through a mistress.
Henry did not like being told that he could not do something, so when the pope said he could not, he took matters into his own hands. There was a time in the history of Europe that it was not the kings and queens who really ran things but the Catholic church. This was a step back from ecclesiastical rule and into the rule of a nation being able to choose for itself what was right for them. The first crusades for example had nothing to do with the countries but had to do with the Catholic church essentially creating an army for themselves made up of knights from different countries to "reclaim the Holy Land" Henry was pushing back some of that when he left the church to create his own church. I am not convinced that he ever felt in his heart that leaving was the right thing to do, but it allowed him to shape the church in England moving forward and I am sure he loved that.
Anne Boleyn: I am sure that he loved her, but his patience was gone waiting for a male heir so he gave he much less time before looking for a new wife. I am sure that he had a spot in his heart for her, but she could not be his queen and he was worried that if he divorced her she would still wield power in court and that was not something he could handle. This is why so many people were killed for treason, they could not simply be removed from office and their lands and titles removed, or they could rise again and begin a revolution against him. If he was going to reign he had to keep control of things so he did not loose that power. This was also at the time when he had the last major jousting accident and being told that he could not continue was a huge blow to him.
Jane Seymour: I am sure that he loved her as well, perhaps not as much at first but definitely when she bore him his son. When she died just after giving birth the depression hit him hard. He finally had the son and the succession was finally secured but in so having he lost the wife who gave him that son and despite having Mary and Elizabeth the male heir was what he felt he needed to secure that.
After Jane, as I understand it was when he started eating so much. and his health got much worse. He was depressed, and when you are always worried about people trying to take your throne or plotting to do things against you it is hard to have friends and confidants with whom you can talk. He had that with his wives so far and sometimes with some of his advisers but in this case he was very alone and to that end he strove to fill the void with food and drink. Where once there had been sport to fill the time and could eat much as he was staying active, now thing began to pack on. That in addition with is leg wounds that never really healed he was a sad character indeed.
As for his other wives: Anne of Cleves was a political marriage that was just not what he hoped it would have been though it turned into a friendship. Catherine Howard was an attempt to capture some of his youth and vitality, but she was young and that proved to be her downfall.Catherine Parr was a reaching out for someone who could help care for him and be at his side. He may have loved her but so late in his life he was in such bad shape emotionally and physically that she was a friend to him, and could help in his care, but she was not his companion in the same way some of the others were.
All in all I think of Henry as a tragic figure. One who through bad circumstances ended up dying essentially alone. This was in some ways his own doing and in some ways a function of his inability to let people into his life or else be worried that they would work against him and bring his reign to an end. Some would and do call him a tyrant, but anyone in power wants to stay there, I do not agree with it all but he did what he felt he had to in order to keep in control. He died in pain, and I am not sure that at the end of his life his heart was in the split from the church but he had made his bed and now it was his to lay in. He presents some challenges to playing the part but I do what I can to understand him so I can do what makes sense for his character. It is not easy, but I do my best.
-Dad
As you will undoubtedly know at this time I am playing the part of Henry VIII with the house of Tudor guild at several of the local events. He is an imposing character but it has been important to me to understand him so I can understand who he was so I can get into his head and play it well, this is what I know.
Who was Henry VIII as I see him?
If I could nail down one thing that ran throughout his life I would say that Henry VIII was insecure about many things and as such went over the top to avoid the things he was scared of. His reign was never secure, he was always worried that someone else may have more power than he, and if that happened, we was worried about loosing everything that his father had fought for. He had acquaintances but never close friends short of his wives and even then perhaps not so much. Yes he was an imposing figure but in many ways he was also a sad one.
Henry was never supposed to be king. His brother Arthur was to take over for his father Henry VII. He was 11 when his brother died but all of that time he had not been ready for being king. His father died not long before he turned 18. After he was crowned king of England that he had 2 of his fathers advisers killed who may or may not have been embezzling funds from taxes. Why would he do that? Some point to it just being the beginning of a bloody reign where thousands were killed. I think he did it to keep good face to his people and show them that he was willing to right the wrongs of his father in order to do what was right for the country. It is also said that he did not run the country early on as much as he left much of it to his advisers. This makes sense to me in a way as he was 18 and did not want to be bogged down with running the country King or not, he wanted to do the fun parts of being king like having feasts, festivals, and playing sport and jousting.
Catherine of Aragon and the great matter: Henry needed to have a male heir. When his father came to the throne after Richard III died his claim to the throne was shakey at best. Henry was then the second son of a King who there may have still been doubt that he should have been in power in the first place. There were countless people in court and away from it who could claim that they had just as legitimate claim to the throne. Henry had to have a male heir because if he died without one it was questionable if his family would keep power of the throne. He was married to Catherine of Aragon for 16 years before he decides that he could not be anymore. In many ways Anne Boleyn was claimed to be the reason he pushed for it, but it had to be in his mind in some way that he NEEDED to have a male heir if the reign of his family was going to be secure. He felt as though he had been patient but he had somehow done wrong either by God, or there was something wrong with her as he had fathered another male child before this time through a mistress.
Henry did not like being told that he could not do something, so when the pope said he could not, he took matters into his own hands. There was a time in the history of Europe that it was not the kings and queens who really ran things but the Catholic church. This was a step back from ecclesiastical rule and into the rule of a nation being able to choose for itself what was right for them. The first crusades for example had nothing to do with the countries but had to do with the Catholic church essentially creating an army for themselves made up of knights from different countries to "reclaim the Holy Land" Henry was pushing back some of that when he left the church to create his own church. I am not convinced that he ever felt in his heart that leaving was the right thing to do, but it allowed him to shape the church in England moving forward and I am sure he loved that.
Anne Boleyn: I am sure that he loved her, but his patience was gone waiting for a male heir so he gave he much less time before looking for a new wife. I am sure that he had a spot in his heart for her, but she could not be his queen and he was worried that if he divorced her she would still wield power in court and that was not something he could handle. This is why so many people were killed for treason, they could not simply be removed from office and their lands and titles removed, or they could rise again and begin a revolution against him. If he was going to reign he had to keep control of things so he did not loose that power. This was also at the time when he had the last major jousting accident and being told that he could not continue was a huge blow to him.
Jane Seymour: I am sure that he loved her as well, perhaps not as much at first but definitely when she bore him his son. When she died just after giving birth the depression hit him hard. He finally had the son and the succession was finally secured but in so having he lost the wife who gave him that son and despite having Mary and Elizabeth the male heir was what he felt he needed to secure that.
After Jane, as I understand it was when he started eating so much. and his health got much worse. He was depressed, and when you are always worried about people trying to take your throne or plotting to do things against you it is hard to have friends and confidants with whom you can talk. He had that with his wives so far and sometimes with some of his advisers but in this case he was very alone and to that end he strove to fill the void with food and drink. Where once there had been sport to fill the time and could eat much as he was staying active, now thing began to pack on. That in addition with is leg wounds that never really healed he was a sad character indeed.
As for his other wives: Anne of Cleves was a political marriage that was just not what he hoped it would have been though it turned into a friendship. Catherine Howard was an attempt to capture some of his youth and vitality, but she was young and that proved to be her downfall.Catherine Parr was a reaching out for someone who could help care for him and be at his side. He may have loved her but so late in his life he was in such bad shape emotionally and physically that she was a friend to him, and could help in his care, but she was not his companion in the same way some of the others were.
All in all I think of Henry as a tragic figure. One who through bad circumstances ended up dying essentially alone. This was in some ways his own doing and in some ways a function of his inability to let people into his life or else be worried that they would work against him and bring his reign to an end. Some would and do call him a tyrant, but anyone in power wants to stay there, I do not agree with it all but he did what he felt he had to in order to keep in control. He died in pain, and I am not sure that at the end of his life his heart was in the split from the church but he had made his bed and now it was his to lay in. He presents some challenges to playing the part but I do what I can to understand him so I can do what makes sense for his character. It is not easy, but I do my best.
-Dad
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
58 and 57 days do the right thing and be good to people.
Punchy,
I am a few days behind on this blog so I will try to write on a few subjects tonight to catch up. I had a rough night last night and a rough morning this morning emotionally as this being unemployed thing is really starting to kick my butt. All that being said, I got up and went to the gym anyway it was a struggle and I did not feel good about it but I went anyway, then went home and worked on some things with the University that I wanted to take care of before too long like getting my vaccination record.
In talking to the Employee health clinic I was not only able to get my record, but the lady there whom I knew expressed her apologies and said that they missed me and my employees missed me even still. I also emailed my former lead worker and told her that if she needed anything I would always be willing to write a letter of recommendation for her. She said that it had been great to work for me and that though I did not work there still the staff still wanted to do something for you and she wondered if it would be OK to do so.
Here is the point I am getting to do the right thing and be good to people. These employees are not sad that I am gone because I was a tyrant. They are not bothered by my leaving because they are all worried about what may be next for them. I think that the sadness comes from the fact that they feel I treated them well. I have not in these lessons or blogs written anything about this but you must always strive to do the right thing no matter what the cost or challenge. In that you will touch peoples lives in ways that you may never know.
Open doors for people, do your best not to interrupt, say please and thank you, If you have to give an order do so politely. You may be amazed how far fairness and kindness can take you. There may be people who will challenge you on it, but do what is right because it is the right thing to do. Treat people equitably. If you feel you are wronged, seek redress, or at least make sure it is documented.
When I say do the right thing, I do not mean do it only because you know it will have rewards, I mean do it because despite the outcomes it was the right thing to do. Doing the right thing sometimes means doing things for the right reasons and motivations. If you open the door for a cute girl because you hope it may lead to her paying attention to you, you have just done the right thing for the wrong reason. If you take someone on a date and pay the bill because you hope that they will think you generous, you are doing the right thing for the wrong reason. Everything has some motive, make sure yours are clear before you do things. Do what is right because it is right and you wish to do it, not because you want something out of it and this looks like a venue to that.
Act as if the world owes you nothing and you will never be disappointed if it does not pay the debt. Your teachers, your friends, your lovers, no one owes you anything. Do what is right so that the doing is it's own reward. Help someone with their homework, or do something nice for someone not so you can win favor with them, but because you wish to do it out of the kindness of your heart. Then if there are rewards, they will come to you freely and unexpectedly. It is far better to live this way than to believe some one owes you something and then are disappointed if they fall short or do not agree. Do things so that the doing is reward enough.
I do not know why my staff loved and were so loyal to me, just that they were. I was able to do so because I did what I thought was right by them, it did not always work but at the end of the day, they were good to me not because I made them fear me, but because they knew I had their backs. It was never about them owing me a good days work, it was about doing the right thing and letting the chips fall where they may. Do what is right and the world will do you right.
See you soon,
-Dad
I am a few days behind on this blog so I will try to write on a few subjects tonight to catch up. I had a rough night last night and a rough morning this morning emotionally as this being unemployed thing is really starting to kick my butt. All that being said, I got up and went to the gym anyway it was a struggle and I did not feel good about it but I went anyway, then went home and worked on some things with the University that I wanted to take care of before too long like getting my vaccination record.
In talking to the Employee health clinic I was not only able to get my record, but the lady there whom I knew expressed her apologies and said that they missed me and my employees missed me even still. I also emailed my former lead worker and told her that if she needed anything I would always be willing to write a letter of recommendation for her. She said that it had been great to work for me and that though I did not work there still the staff still wanted to do something for you and she wondered if it would be OK to do so.
Here is the point I am getting to do the right thing and be good to people. These employees are not sad that I am gone because I was a tyrant. They are not bothered by my leaving because they are all worried about what may be next for them. I think that the sadness comes from the fact that they feel I treated them well. I have not in these lessons or blogs written anything about this but you must always strive to do the right thing no matter what the cost or challenge. In that you will touch peoples lives in ways that you may never know.
Open doors for people, do your best not to interrupt, say please and thank you, If you have to give an order do so politely. You may be amazed how far fairness and kindness can take you. There may be people who will challenge you on it, but do what is right because it is the right thing to do. Treat people equitably. If you feel you are wronged, seek redress, or at least make sure it is documented.
When I say do the right thing, I do not mean do it only because you know it will have rewards, I mean do it because despite the outcomes it was the right thing to do. Doing the right thing sometimes means doing things for the right reasons and motivations. If you open the door for a cute girl because you hope it may lead to her paying attention to you, you have just done the right thing for the wrong reason. If you take someone on a date and pay the bill because you hope that they will think you generous, you are doing the right thing for the wrong reason. Everything has some motive, make sure yours are clear before you do things. Do what is right because it is right and you wish to do it, not because you want something out of it and this looks like a venue to that.
Act as if the world owes you nothing and you will never be disappointed if it does not pay the debt. Your teachers, your friends, your lovers, no one owes you anything. Do what is right so that the doing is it's own reward. Help someone with their homework, or do something nice for someone not so you can win favor with them, but because you wish to do it out of the kindness of your heart. Then if there are rewards, they will come to you freely and unexpectedly. It is far better to live this way than to believe some one owes you something and then are disappointed if they fall short or do not agree. Do things so that the doing is reward enough.
I do not know why my staff loved and were so loyal to me, just that they were. I was able to do so because I did what I thought was right by them, it did not always work but at the end of the day, they were good to me not because I made them fear me, but because they knew I had their backs. It was never about them owing me a good days work, it was about doing the right thing and letting the chips fall where they may. Do what is right and the world will do you right.
See you soon,
-Dad
Sunday, August 23, 2015
59 days the good news
Punchy,
On the 60 days blog I wrote about some of the not so good news for you, things that may run in the family on the not so good side. For this part I am going to talk about the other side of it. the good news.
Generosity and Compassion- They say you can learn a lot about a man by the company that he keeps, I think you can tell a lot about someone about the way they treat friends and family alike. Since joining the Stephenson family by marrying your mom I have had a couple realizations. If you go to any party they throw, or any party that the Hinckley's throw, you will know that if you leave any of those functions hungry, it is your own fault. This runs in the family. If you have a dollar and your friend needs half of it, then you give him that. If you have friends or family that need help, you do what you can, not because you are somehow doing it for good Karma, not because you are hoping that it gives you a debt later to call in, but you do it because it is the right thing to do. You are generous because it it is right, it is right to lift people up and it is right to come together and to share with family and friends.
Inner strength- While I talked about being stubborn, it is true, but the good news is with that, comes a lot of inner strength. When someone tells you that you can't do inner strength says you can if you are willing to work for it. Inner strength says, you can get knocked down but that does not mean you are out. It means that you can do things if you set your mind on it. There is a fine line between stubborn and being strong, Being stubborn says this is the way it is no matter if anyone proves otherwise. Being strong says I can and will prove otherwise. Stubborn is saying that your way is the only one that matters. Being strong is about saying my way is the best way for me, but that does not make your way wrong, but rather there are just different ways to get there.
Smarts- I am not saying that we are the smartest group of people around, but you have a lot of smarts in your head and in your family. I have no doubt that you will be smart. Ask questions if you do not understand something seek out the answers so you do. I am sure you are not a dumb kid, you will do some dumb things sometimes. everyone does. They key is to remember that you are not dumb, you do not come from dumb people.
You have a good family you are being born into. We have our flaws but so does everyone. They are good people, and I know that they love you already. You can tell a man by the company he keeps, you have friends and family that though they have not met you yet, are excited to meet you. You are the results of thousands and thousands of generations, just because you are born into something, does not mean that it is all you have to work with. Make yourself from what you have and if you need something more, seek it out. Take what you have, and decide what to do with it.
Love you kid
-Dad
On the 60 days blog I wrote about some of the not so good news for you, things that may run in the family on the not so good side. For this part I am going to talk about the other side of it. the good news.
Generosity and Compassion- They say you can learn a lot about a man by the company that he keeps, I think you can tell a lot about someone about the way they treat friends and family alike. Since joining the Stephenson family by marrying your mom I have had a couple realizations. If you go to any party they throw, or any party that the Hinckley's throw, you will know that if you leave any of those functions hungry, it is your own fault. This runs in the family. If you have a dollar and your friend needs half of it, then you give him that. If you have friends or family that need help, you do what you can, not because you are somehow doing it for good Karma, not because you are hoping that it gives you a debt later to call in, but you do it because it is the right thing to do. You are generous because it it is right, it is right to lift people up and it is right to come together and to share with family and friends.
Inner strength- While I talked about being stubborn, it is true, but the good news is with that, comes a lot of inner strength. When someone tells you that you can't do inner strength says you can if you are willing to work for it. Inner strength says, you can get knocked down but that does not mean you are out. It means that you can do things if you set your mind on it. There is a fine line between stubborn and being strong, Being stubborn says this is the way it is no matter if anyone proves otherwise. Being strong says I can and will prove otherwise. Stubborn is saying that your way is the only one that matters. Being strong is about saying my way is the best way for me, but that does not make your way wrong, but rather there are just different ways to get there.
Smarts- I am not saying that we are the smartest group of people around, but you have a lot of smarts in your head and in your family. I have no doubt that you will be smart. Ask questions if you do not understand something seek out the answers so you do. I am sure you are not a dumb kid, you will do some dumb things sometimes. everyone does. They key is to remember that you are not dumb, you do not come from dumb people.
You have a good family you are being born into. We have our flaws but so does everyone. They are good people, and I know that they love you already. You can tell a man by the company he keeps, you have friends and family that though they have not met you yet, are excited to meet you. You are the results of thousands and thousands of generations, just because you are born into something, does not mean that it is all you have to work with. Make yourself from what you have and if you need something more, seek it out. Take what you have, and decide what to do with it.
Love you kid
-Dad
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