Sean
It is now 6:30 and your mom is taking a shower while I am waxing introspective on the cycle of birth, and the changing from one stage of life to another. It is strange to think that in a short amount of time I will be a father, whether I am ready to be or not. This is a big change as my life is no longer only mine alone but also, for a time as a role model and support for you and your mother. The only such transformation I have been through before was that of being married, where in one moment you move from being a single person to a part of a couple, to something more than that, a couple for life. When you get married you are saying that you choose that person for now, but also for always. Things may change that, but that is the idea when you marry.
Fatherhood is something different. It is not having a child then at some time if things are not working out leaving them. Like it or not, I am your father for life. You may not agree with me on everything, we may clash on ideas at times and not always see eye to eye. It is possible that you may have inherited my or your mothers stubbornness, and as such we may have times when we clash and there is no solution but to let things lie, but regardless of all of that, you are my son, Always know that and always remember that.
In looking for answers tonight about the transition from one state to another I thought to consult the Prophet by Kahlil Gibran on children he says:
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children."
And he said: Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable."
No, you are not my son, but you come from me, and that will always be a part of you. I can only hope that it is something that gives you pride, and one day you understand that I did for you the best I could with what I had and understood at the time. I may not always be perfect and I may do some things that embarass you or you think are unfair. Please know that my intention is to do for you the best I can, and that in my heart I will raise you the best I am able.
Tonight, as I watch the setting sun, I realize that it is the end of my life before fatherhood, and within the next day or so begins the new life as a father. I am proud to be yours.
Love you
-Dad
