Sunday, July 24, 2022

Combat Con 2022 A golden Bronze weekend.

I have started this blog a dozen times. 
It is not enough to simply have a goal in mind, to get where you want to be in life you have to take steps, even if they are stumbling, awkward steps towards your goal. 
Yesterday, I won my first Longsword medal out of our local tournaments, and it happened where for me, a lot of my story began 8 years ago. My journey has not been as quick or easy as some, and has had some moments where I stumbled, times that I gave it my all, and still came up short. 
It all began at Combat Con. 
Before I came here, I was full of excuses, reasons I couldn't train hard, I could not push myself, reasons why I could not grow or do more. 
I came here for  my 33rd birthday, 8 years ago. Getting in my car for that first trip, I realized that things had changed in my mentality from "I can't" to "How Can I?". The difference between the two sounds pedantic but that little shift from impossible, to how can it make it possible, is a mental change that makes a difference. 
It was this place that I finally did my instructor certification, which in a lot of ways to me said, not only do I feel like I know what I know but others see that and believe I do to. 
It was coming back from this place that I had an accident that, though it was hard, made me realize the strength of my own will and how grateful I was to be alive and what a gift that was. 
In so many ways this has been a home for me, and it is only appropriate that it is here that Crying ugly tears I won my first medal in a tournament away from the ones that are our locals. 
In that first blog 8 years ago I said that Combat Con was about community but after these years, and after all this time, the hundreds of ups and downs, the crazy stories, and nights that have gone on forever, to me I have found that I have a home away from home. 
Yesterday I won a medal, it was not the one I have been working for but it was a start, and after my win, when a crowd of people descended on me and I had a thousand tearful hugs I realized that I have bult around me a family not of blood but of steel, I have found people that though I do not see and talk to them often, support me in all of my endeavors, and that is something that everyone needs. 
For me, it all started with a 33 year old who was not as confident in himself, had everything to prove but needed some major growing to do. Walking in the first time, I did not sure what to expect, and found in this event a group of people who genuinely want to see me succeed. 
There is a class that I teach that talks about setting goals, and one of the things that we talk about is how critical it is to create your team, how important it is to surround yourself with people who not only build you up when you are down, but also will hold your feet to the fire when you do not feel like getting up and doing the things that need to be done to get where you want to be. Surround yourself with people who will not just celebrate your triumphs but who will, when you stumble and fall, will help you get up, dust yourself off and keep going. 
This journey has not always been easy,   
There were days, when I was ready to give up. Days that on some level I considered walking away, but knew deep in my heart that I couldn't, wouldn't, at least not for real, no matter how much I wanted to. So I kept going. kept working, knowing that if I stayed focused, it was within me to reach that goal. Now the page is blank, and I must ask myself what I will do with the pages, will I rip them up? Will I burn them, or color the pages in crayon, or marker or will I start anew. 
So here we are. as I look at the blank pages, it becomes a question of what is next, how do I get better for next time, and where am I going to go? The answer is forward, and the answer is Combat Con.