Every man is a hero of his own story.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Warbreaker
This has gone through my mind a lot lately. Over the last few weeks I have been doing a lot of running and exercise, and as a part of it, have been posting quite a bit about it on Facebook. In the past, it has been easy to see people posting about their work outs and thinking, good for them, I am happy they are doing something they like, but so what to me?
What occurs to me about it is that when I do the same thing, I am at best, a supporting character in someone else's story, just as they are in mine. What is interesting is the way it makes me think about other people. Here they are, doing their life, and I am doing mine, and to a huge majority of the world, I will be a unknown, as billions of people are to me. If we meet on the street, I am just another person, another face in the crowd, as countless are to me. It is strange to think of it that way, but in a big way, it is important to think that way. Your life is about you, your family, your kids, your friends, the things you are passionate about, the things that you dislike, somewhere in that may be some overlap with my life, but even my wife, who I am the very closest to in my life, is not me or my story 100%. It is an interesting perspective, and something to keep in mind when dealing with others.
With all of that in mind, and given that it has been awhile since I posted, here is what I am working on right now. It may not be your story, but if someone else can get anything out of it, then it is reason enough to share it.
Before the winter, I had started on a couch to 5K program. When it snowed I stopped but was trying to work on staying more active. In September I weighted 346 pounds, since that time I have lost about 16 or 17 and it fluctuates a lot depending on the day, my diet and whatnot. I have decided that the weight is not as important as how I am doing at certain things, and in that I feel like I am making progress. 3 weeks ago, when I went back to running I was able to start where I left off without a problem so for that I am very happy. In the past 3 weeks thing have changed more and though the number is not changing, I am able to run a lot longer than I could when I started.
Perhaps ability is not the question, but knowing how far I can go, when I would have stopped before. Since pushing myself a little bit, I am feeling like I can do some things much much better. In sword class when I used to get winded in a match, I can, if not push longer and harder, at very least, not be as winded.
Some other things have come out of the last few weeks that I am really starting to enjoy. At 7:00 almost every night, my wife and I have started turning off the TV and taken the last couple of hours of our evening to read, or in my case, work in the garage, read, exercise or do something else that is not sitting in front of the TV. A key is the DVR, so if there is a show that we usually watch, it can be recorded to watch later. It has really helped me have some control of things since now, I "have the time" to work out.
The other thing was a bit of a slap in the face that woke me up about some things. I was having a discussion with some people in HEMA nationally and was called on some of my stuff about, "I can't do everything because I am fat" the point was, yes, I am overweight. There is not a scale I have seen that puts me at healthy, but what matters is that regardless of my size, if I am not training to my potential, nothing I am doing will make any difference, and I will keep excusing it by saying that I am the big fat kid. But more than that a few people I know, that I have never met in person told me that if I wanted something bad enough they believed that I had it in me to go for it.
More to the point, in 3 months from now, I am going to my first Sword event that is not a local thing. It is a bit scary, what if I do not do well, what if I shame myself or my class? What if I do not pour into my matches all that I have and in holding back show just how unskilled I feel I am at times? What then? This is also over my 33rd Birthday weekend, so it is another time of transition in my life.
All of those what if's have turned into reason to train harder and do more than I have before. What was good enough, (going to class, exercising there, then not doing much outside of class) has changed. If I am going to get better, I cannot just let what I have been doing be enough. As a result I have been pushing myself harder, and noticing results. Now it is time to level it up, If something is better than nothing, then something more is better than something.
What it all comes down to is remembering that I am the Hero of my story, and as such no one is going to make me better if I am not doing anything about it myself. No one is going to push me harder or farther than I am willing to go, and no one is going to make me better if I don't do it myself. Guess it is time to hero up, and get things done.
