"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof." Richard Bach, Illusions
I threw down my gloves and mask, "I just cant do this!" I said. It was 2 days before we left for SoCal Swordfight and I was doing some free sparring in our sister club before we headed to California. I know that people were trying to help, but 2 days before an event there is only so much one can do to fix problems in your fighting. That being said, here I sat, tired, and frustrated and not sure how the upcoming weekend would work.
Within a few more days I was in California, sharing a room with students from all of the 3 Utah clubs, and though I was still not sure how thins were going to pan out, here we were.
Utah is a strange place when it comes to HEMA. There is a class that meets in the same space I do, we share equipment, we teach new students together with a universal curriculum, and between the 2 of us we rent 8 hours at the gym a week. The other club is 30 miles south of us but every year we all get together at least once or twice to have local tournaments and have fun as one big community. In name we are separate classes, but in many ways we are one team especially when we go out of town.
By the end of the weekend I judged more than 80 matches, took a couple classes, the fighters in our clubs took home 3 medals and I am very proud of them. 4 of the 6 who entered Open steel moved out of it to eliminations, we had several who moved out of their pools in Singlestick and overall I am very proud of my team. They my not all be my students but when we go out of town, i feel like they are all my team.
As for how I did, it was not as good as I had hoped. I did not do well in either tournament I entered. Single stick is a fun one for me and it went OK, but not super well. In Open steel I won 2 matches, and lost one, but because I did not win by large margins, I did not move out of my pools. I WAS able to use a technique that I have been working on, and it was not super easy, but I am very proud of it.
After my tournament I was discouraged. I have been back in sword 10 years, and I have made progress but am frustrated with where I am. This weekend however I talked to some of my friends who I have spent time with over the years and was told that even if I can't see progress, they can. We talked about my options, I can kick my training into high gear and improve, I can not apply myself and stay were I am, I could drop sword completely, or I could step things down fight in an easier tournament and place higher.
There is a lot of things about each one but when I talked to one of my friends about it on Sunday, he pointed out that there is only one option. I am not happy with where I am, so staying where I am is not an option, quitting is not and never will be on the table (I may retire from fighting in tournaments in a few years but that is not right now) I can apply myself. I know the people who do the tournaments I attend and no one will let me step into a lower level tournament. This is because they know me and won't let me settle for less than I am capable of.
Here is the thing, I have people cheering me on. They are not a huge number of people but they want to see me succeed. Some of them are local, some I just see at events, but the point is they have my back and are cheering me on. These may not all be people I am related to, but they are people I consider family. There is a quote from Its a wonderful life that says "No man is a failure who has friends." I do not see these people often, but they support me and are cheering me on.
I judged something like 80 matches, because I feel like it is important to do. I donated the time because I want people to have a great time when they are at events, and any way I can help that I will do.
At the end of the weekend I had people asking me when I am doing a local event, I had people telling me how they feel I am doing, and with so much encouragement it is hard to not feel loved by the community I love. If I could say that tournaments were about one thing at the end of the day, it is not just about winning prizes, though that is definitely fun, it is not all about testing yourself, because some days or weeks or months are just off. If I could say it was about one things above the others, it would be to share our love for what we study, make friends, cheer them on, and at the end of the day to come together. I know people who train because they know that if they don't someone else is, they train so they can win a medal or beat someone in particular, but for me, above all else, it is about community.
If just one person believes in you. Deep enough, and strong enough, believes in you.
Hard enough,and long enough before you knew it,
Someone else would think, if he can do it, i can do it. Making it..
Snoopy and patty:
Two! Two whole people who believe in you. And if two whole people believe in you.
Deep enough, and strong enough believe in you. Hard enough, and long
Enough there's bound to be some other person who believes in making it a threesome.
Making it...
Sally joins:
Three....people you can say, believe in me. And if three whole people, why not...
Linus joins:
Four. And if four whole people, why not...
Lucy joins:
More, and...
Charlie brown joins:
More, and more. And when all those people believe in you,
Deep enough and strong enough believe in you,
Hard enough and long enough it stands to reason you,
Yourself will start to see what everybody sees in you.
And maybe even you, can believe in you, too.
Thank you all for believing in me even when I am not sure I do. It means more than I can ever say.
