Goal setting

Setting goals that are SMART?

There is a school of thought that all goals need to be "S.M.A.R.T." that is Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Trackable/or timely. Honestly, I heard about this in corporate culture years ago but have come back to it lately.  While I agree with the sentiment, I knock it down to 4 because I feel like it is redundant for the sake of being a pretty acronym. So the steps as I see them:

S Simple, Specific- If a goal is not specific how can you measure it? The question is how do you know you have arrived there? To that end a SMART goal is not: I want to do better at sword and buckler. Whereas: I want to get to a place where most matches, I can score on my opponent at least 4 times

M Measurable- Just like specific, this one is all about how you know you got there. In this way a goal of saying that you can run a mile is measurable. One of you can just run more could be if you define where you are so you can see improvement, but I want to run a lot or do a bunch of drills is not unless you define what that means FOR YOU. Trackable/timely are really a subset of measurable, but it is a question of a smaller timeline. How can you prove to yourself that you are making progress? Timely is fine, but that really falls into the next category.

A Attainable and Realistic- If you set a goal to be the best sword fighter in class by your next competition and this is your 2nd month of practice, that may be a stretch, unless you have a very bad class. Attainable and Realistic are a good question of "Is this goal realistic for me given my time and energy I am willing to devote to this?" If you are willing to go to the gym 5 hours a day, getting to a point that you look like an Olympic weight lifter is not out of the question on a long enough timeline. If you are only willing to give it an hour a day, this will take longer. Asking "What am I willing to do to get there?" is huge here. What are your resources, what will it take to do that, and are you willing to do what you have to in order to reach it? Timeliness comes into play here as well. "Is this reasonable in the time I am giving it?" If you can be honest and realize it is not there is nothing wrong with changing the timeline just be honest about it.

One more thing is to realize that at times you may fail on the way to getting there.  If you are not willing to stick with it do not be surprised if you never reach that goal. In the example of sword and buckler, if you are not willing to stick with it, lose a lot initially, and then use that experience to improve, then it is not a good goal for you. You have to be willing to fall on your face in pursuit of your goals, but that is the only way you get better. If you are only practicing with people who you have no problem beating, you may not be the best, but rather you are a big fish in a little pond and it is time to move on to something bigger where you are actually challenged. If you have a trick that always works with people who know you but does not with those who don't then it is only a trick to those who know you, teach them how to beat it so you are not relying on it.

Lastly, be willing to tell people your goals and surround yourself with find people who will keep you accountable. A practice partner that lets you get away with sloppy technique and only doing half your speed or skill is not your friend; they are doing you no favors by letting you get away with it. You may be the best of friends outside of practice, but they are not a good training partner for you. The best partners I have had both in terms of sword and out are the ones who push me to do better. Often that means kicking my butt so I know what I need to work on. In that way your greatest friends, are those who are willing to call you on your crap, and who are your hardest opponents inside the ring. If they say they want to practice or reach a goal and then do nothing to reach it, call them on it. If you do the same, be willing to be called out on it. Accountability is not a bad word, and those people who are not willing to keep you to your word are doing you no favors, even if they think they are. 

Why go to any events at all? A reflection and review of SoCal 2018

John Donne famously wrote "No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine" Though I agree with his sentiment, that each persons voice adds to us and each lost diminishes us, in the world of HEMA It is easy to believe that everything that we do we do in Isolation, separate from the whole. Where that sentiment crumbles is when it comes to events where we gather, compete, learn, and share what we have found in our study of the art. 


How do we get here? 

My story of my first event was a long one from years ago when I moved from the idea of I can't make it to the event to thinking about it as a challenge and finding a way. No man is an Island, that is true, but short of the local groups to me, (there are 2 depending on how you count it) I am more than 6 hours from any other local club. No man may be an island, but it hardly feels like it at times. That is where the importance of events comes in. Before my first event I had a lot of excuses. All of the events were far, they were expensive, I did not have the gear for it, I was not even sure I was that good, besides, why go? What was the reason to go and take classes or meet people I already talked to online? To that end I am going to review my experience from last weekend at SoCal Sword fight. 

HEMA is family.

I just got back from SoCal sword fight and it was a fantastic time, I met a lot of really great people, I got in some great training, taught a class, and felt like things went as well as could be expected for me. Overall it was an awesome weekend and I learned a lot. 

The people: 

SoCal sword fight is put on by an awesome group of volunteers some of whom I have known for years. An event will not go smoothly unless you have good people and this event had great people. There were problems but there always are things that come up and it is the people who make sure it gets worked out in a timely fashion and this crew was awesome for that. All of the people who are running this event want people to do better. I drove down to SoCal from my house, a 10 hour drive in good traffic. I left home at 5:45 on Thursday morning, and by Thursday afternoon I was near enough to the event that I was invited over to spend some time working on my cutting technique, and learning how to properly sharpen my sword so I could cut with it in the right way, as well being invited to South Coast's class that evening. Again, these people were under no requirement to help me out. some of them were going to be competing with me in events throughout the weekend, but a raising tide lifts all boats. 

The Review:

A few years ago I went to my first large HEMA event and learned a lot, both about myself, as well as the community at large, and am constantly amazed at how that continues to be the case every time I go to an event. A lot of people talk about how an event is all about the tournaments, but to me it is really about the people. Maybe that is because I have never won anything major myself, but I don't think so. I cannot count the times that people have offered to come out to my club or have me out to theirs to work on something or help teach my students something. I have had people stand in my corner and help coach me, even when doing so put me at odds with their student. (I have also done this to be fair.)
Here is the deal, you cant teach HEMA well when you are living as if you are an Island. I do not care how big and awesome you feel like your club is, if all you know is your club, you can only get so good. I am a solidly middle of the pack fighter. In my tournaments this weekend I fell about the middle of the fighters in the events I did (with the exception of cutting, but I will talk about that). At home I am probably one of the better half of fighters so it would be easy to feel like I was super awesome and did not need to get better. Events help burst those bubbles. so there is a huge reason to go out and play with other people to see where your weaknesses are. Even if you are the top, there is always something to work on and going to events help you see just what those things are. This weekend I placed 18th in the open long sword and 17th in single stick, but looking at my scores there is a good narrative of what I was doing well and what I was not. 

This weekend was also my first class teaching something HEMA related outside of my local clubs. This was a stretch to me, as it was something I was nervous about. Before this event I had run this test. All along I had people in my corner cheering me on. It went well, and I have some work to do for next time, but it is amazing to know that you have a team behind you cheering you on because they believe in you. I did terribly on my cutting competition, but I had some great people help me and work with me so next time, I will do better.

All said and done, I did not bring home any medals, I did not walk away with anything to show for my time, but that is not the reason to go to an event. Making connections with other people is the real reason we get together a few times a year. If you can't make it to everything, that is OK. Get thee to a HEMA-ry! What matters is that you do what you can to meet people in the community. I found out this weekend that I have friends who read my blog for example, and people who get inspiration from some of the things I am doing. When you live so far away from these people it is good to know that you have people cheering you on from a distance. It is good to know that I can take a class and learn a different way of looking at things I have been looking at and if I have questions or want to talk about it, those people are willing to bounce ideas off of so we can all rise.

SoCal was not a revelation to me, but it was a great event. I learned a lot, got a lot of good feedback and know where I need to work to do better next time. For example, I did not win a lot of my matches, but many of them ran out of time. This says to me that I am defending myself better. I still need to work on attacking with that defense but that is an area I can work on, and it is great feedback to have. Some of my cleanest matches this weekend came out of getting in the ring with some of my friends. This weekend left it's mark and I will not move forward the same. That is what these events are about. If you come home with nothing new, I feel like you are missing something. This past weekend I brought home no medals, but I brought home all kinds of things to try and work on so next time I can do better.

One final note.
Events like SoCal, and Combat Con are about community. They are about spending time with friends who live hundreds or thousands of miles away. We have 3 local classes, but when we travel we are one team. It may be small, we may not have all the people of larger clubs, but we leave our footprints. If you come to an event and have no one in your corner, I will stand behind you. I do not care what club you come from, we are all one community. At the end of the day, that is what it is really about. It is not just about the medals, or just the classes, it is about the shared beer, or late night conversations on the finer points of a technique, or the funny stories that you will always have with you. HEMA is family, and this past weekend, while I missed my family at home, I had a great chance to stand with my brothers and sisters and work on this art we all love.

Creating a club culture through a Code of Conduct

Every group of people has a culture.  Whether that is a HEMA club, or a bunch of friends hanging out, as social animals Humans create culture. But what is culture, how do we create it, and how do you form your culture in such a way that it supports your goals and objectives?

Lets start with Culture, what is culture? 
Miriam Webster defines Culture as: the customs, arts, social institutions, and achievements of a particular nation, people, or other social group.

So who creates culture in a club setting?
The short answer is everyone in the class contributes to the club culture. The long answer is a bit more complex. A clubs culture is dictated by its membership but that can be molded by the actions of its leadership. If inappropriate actions are not dealt with they dictate the culture. If there is a negative perception from an outsiders view, this can dictate the culture or even growth of your club.

It all starts at the door. Before someone has walked in the door, how do you look to outsiders? Are you welcoming and friendly? If they walk in the doors do you talk to them, or just keep doing your own thing? Just to be clear, this does not need to be the place of the instructor to greet people, but someone should talk to them at least initially.
Now that you have talked to them, and find out they want to start class. What steps do you take to include them in the club culture?
In my own club, along with their signed waiver, I have a club waiver that includes emergency contact information, medical issues we should know about, as well as a code of conduct that outlines what things we expect of our students, as well as what actions are unacceptable. I also add this information into a google spreadsheet so I do not need to have the physical form with me at all times and can access someones emergency contact info on my phone in case something happens and we need it.

The code of conduct section for my club is as follows:

As an accepting organization, the UCSA wants all members to feel welcome. We strive to ensure that within the realm of  being a martial arts school who practices with full contact, that you feel safe, emotionally and physically. If during your time as a member of our group, you feel you are being harassed, discriminated against or feel uncomfortable with anyones behavior, (instructor, classmate, or observer) please let a member of the council,  or your instructor know.

UCSA Code of Conduct:

I will treat everyone with respect regardless of their age, sex, gender identity, race, or sexual orientation using appropriate language, and appropriate physical conduct in all official events.  If I have concerns I will address them to the person they involve, or if I feel unable to do so, I will address them with the instructor, or a member of the U.C.S.A. council. I will follow instructions in all class activities but will ask questions as appropriate. If I become frustrated and need to take a time to calm down, I will request to do so. If at any time I feel I am unable to follow this code of conduct, I will remove myself from U.C.S.A. activities until I feel I am able to do so. If my instructor feels I am in violation of any of these agreements they will speak to me directly about it so that I may remedy it. If I refuse to do so, I may be asked to leave class and forfeit all paid dues until I am willing to follow this code of conduct in all U.C.S.A. events.  The U.C.S.A. retains the right to judge any and all incidents that may occur on their own

merit.    Initials_______

Now that you have that you have to make sure you stick with it. If someone acts inappropriately, how do you handle it? Do you have them sit class out, do you let them know that they are not welcome in the future, what kind of action is appropriate. If you are not willing to take some action if people act out, that creates a culture. If you allow some joking and fun in class that creates a culture, How you act and how people are treated in class reflects the culture you have created.

At the end of the day, the Instructor of a club sets the tone, but the clubs culture is perpetuated by the members of the club. If you feel like your club's culture is toxic or does not work, no matter what your role in it, work to improve that. If you do not want to create a code of conduct that is fine too. I find that it has helped in my club to lay out what we expect and what is not OK in our club. You could say that club culture can go as far as your fliers, or signs, or whatever promotional material you have, and I will explore that in the next blog entry.

Growing your club: Why teach a beginners class?

This is going to be another of my HEMA Club running specific posts so if that is not what you are here for, read the last one or another blog this time.

I have been teaching my HEMA club for a little over 2 years and back when I took class over I started something that has been a real perk to my club. Just after I started teaching we began a beginners class as a way to give new students a way in. For years I would tell people to come check out class, and for years they asked when a good time to start would be. Often the answer was that we would tell them that we would always teach them basics whenever they came to class. For years this worked on some level, but what I found was that people did not feel real comfortable with just showing up and having someone teach them basics on the side since they were not participating in class.

How did we fix this?
Originally we started with the concept that once a month we would go over the basics and that would be a good time to have new people come and check things out. In addition to this, it became something we could promote on our website, or in community calendars, or potentially with a press release. This was a way of telling new students that we wanted them there. This also gave some of my more experienced students a place to help teach, as well as refreshing them on the fundamentals of the sword that we teach. Our initial turnout was pretty good, though some months were better than others. On weeks that we did not have new people we simply worked on the things we had been working on previously.

How often is too often?
Initially i set this class up to meet every 1st Saturday of the month, meaning that in months when we only had 4 weeks 1 week at least was focused on teaching this class. Where I found this to be a challenge is that we would be making progress going through the class material and find that we had to stop that progress every month for the beginners class. Eventually we moved to holding it every other month, and this helped some but them we had the problem of people who had just missed it and telling a new student that they should show up, in a month and a half for this thing they were excited for. Most of those students I never saw in class even when it was close to their beginners class.

What works?
Really what I found works is you have to ask what works for you.  If your class is small, you may not want to teach a beginners class every 4 weeks, because unless you split class, you may not be able to take the new people through the material without making the more advanced students bored or feeling like they have done X too many times. (You can only talk about how important muscle memory is so many times.) There is a balance. Like I said, You have to figure out what works best for your club and your situation, but you also do not want to put new students off too long or you risk them going other directions and never coming to class.
As for my class, beginning this month we started a monthly rotation of 4 week beginners classes that are designed just for new students. This way they can meet other new students, they do not feel like they are missing something their fellow students are not getting, and we have a chance to get through more material since we do not feel like we are dragging all of class behind to get them up to speed. For our beginners class we are asking that they attend all of the weeks before joining the intermediate classes we hold so that we give them the best chance to learn things before being thrown in with the rest of class.

What does the beginners class look like?
For our most recent classes we have looked at things from a very basic point of view. Take the first part of class and just teach footwork, then measure as it relates to that, then a few plays or drills that work on that, a huge thing here is to look at how much time you have and make sure you are not trying to cram too much into 1 class or you risk overload and people not remembering what you have taught them. Sometimes this can be helped with review but if you just took the last 3 hours cramming them full of info, retention is going to be minimal.

I also encourage my new students to make some friends in the class. When I first started in my class years ago, these people were not just my friends, they were some of the best friends I had. Obviously, you can't force people to be nice to each other or to make friends but when they drill, ask them to tell each other their names. It is a start and the more your students feel a part of something the more likely they are to stick around. No one wants to be the new kid who knows no one and has no friends in the class, so encouraging that is key.

Why is any of this important?
Basically what it comes down to is this, a beginners class gives people who are interested a good place to join class without feeling like they are the outsiders. This is a great way to expand your student base and can be very easy to advertise. People will come and go with class and that is to be expected but a beginners class gives you a way to acculturate your students and welcome them to your club culture.  No one wants to feel like the outsider who is not welcome and beginner classes are a great way to create that community as long as you are willing to take the time to be warm and welcoming in your teaching. Answer questions, take some extra time with the student who keeps having problems doing what your are talking about. It will pay dividends in the long run.

2017 in retrospect, 2018 looking forward.

As the days draw to a close it is important to me to reflect on what I have accomplished this year and what I am looking towards for next year.

2017
It was a year for goals. I lost 50 pounds (then gained about 20 back) but have kept off 30 for the last 6 months.
It was the year I set my mind to doing something (cutting qualifier) and achieved it.
It was the year that the Scottish festival moved.
It was the year I did my first charity ride on my motorcycle.
It was the year I moved my sword class indoors.
It was the year my son turned 2 and started picking up words faster than I can count them.
It was my first year without grandparents.
I lost some friends to death and met some new people.
It was the year I got my shred route and was really able to make my job my own to any extent.
I took my Henry VIII costume out on the road more than just the local events.
I picked up single stick and found a fun sword thing I can do in semi light gear.
I listened to more books then I can think to remember or list.
I have studied the long sword manuals harder this year then I have in the past.
I had my 5th anniversary of marriage and our 5th anniversary of moving into our house.
I turned 36, I am closer to 40 then I am to 30, which feels very strange.

So what is in store for 2018?
This morning I finished reading Walden though I have been meaning to for years. In 2018 I intend to read or listen to more books. I like to listen to books while I am driving and since I do so much of it now, it is really something I need to embrace.

I have 2 sword events out of town this year on my calendar so going and competing and giving it my best is definitely on the list. How to improve my sword work will in large part be based on how that goes.

Eating better. Something that struck me in reading Walden was how much he talked about good diet of the right foods and drinks. Since August I have let things slip, it is time to take it back. The big idea is to eat as I need to not just because and to drink enough water to balance things.

Connecting to my spirituality- This is something I have missed over the last few years. I am not sure what for it will take and it is going to be a lot of thinking on things and going to my roots but it is a part of who I am that I miss. This may not mean going back to church, but it does mean looking at my spirituality and reconnecting it on a regular basis.

Connecting better with friends- I miss my friends and feel like I do not see them enough. I really want to make a good effort this year to see people, or have them over or work out some time to see and hang out with people. I am a social beast and get down when I have little social interaction, I need to work on that in a balanced way.

Somewhere, in the drive today I had some time to think and I realized I have an idea of how I see myself at 37. How that guy acts and is. Since I see it, and can really get a grasp on that, maybe it is time to embrace it. It is time to step up to who I know I can be and just be it.

I have a few days to work on plans for these but they will be my focus for this year.

On Christmas

Before I begin, it is important to say that I am not, nor have I ever considered myself a Christian by the basic definitions of that faith. I do not believe that Jesus died for my sins, I do not believe that I have to be baptized to cleanse me of my sins. I do however, believe that there are some great tenants of that faith and people should be kind to each other, give to charity, and do good, though this is hardly unique to just this faith.

Christmas to me is special. No, I do not believe that it is the birthday of our lord and savior, but I also do not believe that all that it can be is about is the celebration of the birth of the central figure in this faith. (Jesus was not born in December if the books talking about his birth are to be understood as read.)

So what does Christmas mean to me as a non-christian?
Christmas is about coming together as friends and family. It happens around, the time of the shortest day of the year (at least in the northern hemisphere). It is a time to gather, and enjoy the company of friends and family. It is a time when we celebrate hope, and wonder and Joy. On the shortest day of the year, we celebrate that the sun, (son?) is born and we see longer and longer days after it. If things made sense, it would be the beginning of the year (It is pretty close).

Do I have a Christmas tree? I do. It is a tradition, that I enjoy and has as much to do about the birth of Jesus as anything else we do. I love Christmas Carols not because I believe that Christ is born, and so we are saved, but because of the hope and joy in the songs, in many ways it is about the rebirth of hope on (or near) the longest night of the year.
I give gifts because I enjoy sharing with others and it is one way of saying that I care about them, Christmas is a great time to do that.

I believe that this holiday, as it is, or can be, celebrated is more than just a Christian thing. It is about coming together as a people, and for at least a time, being one people. I do not do black Friday sales on Thursday night because I do not like seeing the ugliness, greed and aggression in people. That to me not what the holiday is about. It is not about getting the biggest presents, maybe because most of the time I try to keep Christmas small. If there is something big that we want or need through the year, we get or do it. Christmas is about friends and family, and enjoying each others company. Not just about getting the biggest newest things, at least I think so.

I have been known to light a Hanukkah candle or 2. Not because I believe in the Jewish faith, but because it is one way that we celebrate the light in the darkness. There is beauty in all faiths, if you are willing to look for them. It may not be mine, but if it brings you joy and does not tear down others, I think that is what the world needs more of. Christmas is a great time to celebrate our brotherhood as a family of people, each doing that best that they can to get by. What the world needs is more of us helping each other. Kindness does not need to have a great cost, and if it brings us together, maybe we can see each other better, and maybe get more things done. 

Something that strikes me particularly hard about Christmas is a line from John Denver and The Muppet Christmas song "Alfie the Christmas tree"

Oh, Alfie believed in Christmas all right, he was full of Christmas cheer.
All of each and every day and all throughout the year.

To him it was more than a special time much more than a special day,
It was more than a beautiful story. it was a special kind of way.

You see, some folks have never heard a jingle bell ring,
And they've never heard of Santa Claus.
They've never heard the story of the Son of God. And that made Alfie pause.

Did that mean that they'd never know of peace on earth
or the brotherhood of man?
Or know how to love, or know how to give? If they can't, no one can.
You see, life is a very special kind of thing, not just for a chosen few.
But for each and every living breathing thing. Not just me and you.

So in your Christmas prayers this year, Alfie asked me if I'd ask you
to say a prayer for the wind, and the water, and the wood,
and those who live there, too.

I do not consider myself a Christian, but I do believe that you can be a good person no matter what your faith, (If any at all). If I see you on the street and you say Merry Christmas I will say it back. If not I may say Happy Holidays because I like to include those people who celebrate winter holidays in different ways than I do, and I like to include New Years in that, rather than JUST Christmas.  

On Fatherhood

Fatherhood: noun

1. the state of being a father.

1. 
   

This is not going to be an easy one to write. 

On October 21st 2015 I became a father. It is and has been something that has changed my life. I love my son more than I could have ever known was possible. Each day he learns something new and though, there are times where he tests my patience, I love reading to him, and spending time with him, and seeing his face light up as he jumps around when I get home. There is truly nothing like it, and each day I am so happy that I have had the chance to be a father. I love my son, but after he was born we both kind of felt that our little family was complete. 

On October 9th 2016, we had a daughter who never lived. We knew that getting pregnant was going to be hard. That is why when we were trying with Sean, Cindy took medication to help her body create HCG when she was pregnant. Last year, there were indications that she may be pregnant but multiple pregnancy tests, and a few blood tests showed that she was not. This is a part of the world that we live in. On the night of October 9th we went to the hospital because Cindy was not feeling well. The long and short of it is that that night, Cindy delivered a daughter who had major birth defects. She had 7 fingers on one hand and 6 on the other among other things that were misshapen, missing or just not right. These are all things that would have developed in the first term, but we never knew that she was there. This was also the first time I had heard the term Irish Twins. (2 children born within the period of 1 year. Seriously, it is a thing, and a little racist.) 

One thing she did have, which was so hard for me was she was born with red hair. We looked at the possibility of not naming her but it did not feel right. She never lived, nor from the defects would she have, if she had lived to term. She never moved, we never knew she was there, she simply was. When we were talking about names for Sean we decided that there were names that were off the table no matter what his gender was. Most of that had to do with what kids would call him in school, or how he could age with a name. If he had been a girl, Angel was definitely off the table, but in this case it just fit. 

It has been a year, but there is still a feeling of loss, not for our little girl, but for the little girl who could have been, that is where I feel the loss. We still do not feel like we need more children, and anyone who suggests that we somehow do really needs to mind their own damn business,  but I feel like in a way, we have had 2. Fatherhood has become a part of who I am. At the last Renaissance fair, for example I felt strongly responsible for the people in my guild. When it comes to sword, I feel like I am a sword dad of sorts. Fatherhood has gotten into my bones. I want people to do the right thing and to encourage them to do it. I want people to learn things and make themselves better. I am the father of 2, though I feel like in some cases, that number changes based on where I am.  

Angel never lived, she never took a breath, or crawled across the floor or cooed lovingly as we entertained her, but Sean did. Every day I am so happy to be a dad to such a good kid, and this loss has made me that much more grateful for the chances I get to spend time with him and watch him grow into a such a good, little boy (Even if he is trouble sometimes) Had this happened before Sean was born, I am not sure we would have tried again, but again, life had other plans. Grieving has been made easier because I could come home and sit on the couch with my son and watch a movie, or  hold his hand walking through a fair, or get a big high 5 just because he thinks it is still cool. Some things he will age out of, but I am glad for the time I do have. 

Being a biological father is not hard, but being a Father can be. It is not always smiles and sunshine, sometimes you have to clean up a messy diaper or have your kid throw up on you. Sometimes they scream for no reason and there is little you can do to comfort them. Sometimes parenthood is frustrating as hell, but I can say this for it, every day it makes me do all I can to be a better example for my son. That may be a bad way to self improvement, but if I can teach my son well, maybe one day he will be a good man, and that is all I can ever hope for.