Punchy,
I do not talk about it a lot because it is a hard thing to
talk about but we really want you here.
Let me go back to the beginning, Before you were on your way
and growing, before your mom and I were married, let’s go way back.
When I was a kid, I had an invisible sweet heart when I was
little my mom tells me. I always felt like my purpose was to find the right
person to love and to have a home and children. How many children was up for
debate as it was not entirely my decision. As time went on I had ups and downs.
People who I dated and loved, and those who I wanted to date but never was
given a chance. First of all, no one owes you anything when it comes to this.
The bad news (it sometimes feels) is that no one owes you a chance to date
them, the good news is that you owe it to no one to date them. When I was 14 I
had a girl friend who, I am sorry to say I "dated" because she wanted
to date me. The reason dated is in quotations is that we never went anywhere or
did anything outside of school.
Eventually dating did get some easier, I liked people and
felt good enough about myself sometimes that I felt comfortable asking them
out. Easier is not easy. Dating is complicated, and often things are harder
than they need to be since you have 2 people with emotional baggage getting
together and hoping that they can work it out in the long run.
When I met your mom, we were both on an online dating
service. We talked for a bit quite a lot then things kind of stopped. It is my
fault, I messaged her back "OK" and she felt it was a conversation
killer as I did not expand on that or anything. Weeks later I started talking
to her again and finally we did meet though not without more trouble. She was
up from Provo one day and wanted to meet after her family thing. I won't lie,
it was in the back of my mind, but it was a Saturday after sword and frankly I
spaced it. The next time we were going to meet I had made plans with someone
and they were canceled. I asked if she wanted to meet and she said that she did
not want to play second fiddle to anyone. (Something I respect) We met that
night and I will not forget, when I left I thought that she could very possibly
be the one.
I was not always smart. I still went on dates with other
people for a bit since she and I were not an exclusive thing. She called me on
it (your mom is good about that) and at that point I stopped dating anyone but
her. As things got serious and we started spending more and more time together
I knew that it was a serious thing. Years ago, a friend of mine and I decided
that there needed to be rules about dating. Silly things like you must date
someone for X amount of time before marrying them, or they must want the same
amount of kids you do, etc. With your mom, I broke many of those rules
and here is where you come in.
Before we were engaged, She told me that because of some
medical conditions (PCOS) she had been told that she may never be able to have
kids. When she told me that, it was something that was very hard for me to
hear. I had from the time I was very young wanted to be a dad. To have kids,
eventually I had settled on the number (2 would be enough). What this meant was
if I stayed with her, there was a possibility that we would never have kids and
it was something that was hard to hear. I may never have the chance to have
children that were my own. We talked a lot about it and decided that at some
time we would try, and if we could not, then maybe we would adopt or something.
Shortly there after we were engaged and then married.
The house we live in was sort of meant to be. My mom’s real
estate friend told me that he had a house that we needed to see. (This was 2
months after we were married) Your mom and I looked at the pictures online and
were not so sure, but thought we would humor him. When we walked into that
house we were sold. It would take a lot of things falling in line but we knew
we needed that house. 2 very long months later I found myself giving up the
apartment that had meant so much to me, it was my first place on my own, it was
a place with many memories, both good and bad, it had some downs but it was my
place. To move it meant giving all that up, and to walk into a place that was
not mine, but was ours.
When we decided that we wanted to start trying we knew it
would be a hard road. Your moms doctors had not said that it would be hard for
nothing. We tried on our own for several months, and after that started at the
fertility clinic. (WE REALLY WANTED YOU TO BE HERE!) The months with the
fertility clinic were up and down. Every month we had good signs I gave your
mom injections to release the eggs, but for a while, 2 weeks later we found out
that it had not worked and we were back to the beginning again. Finally,
we heard the good news. On Valentines morning we found out that your mom was
pregnant with you. I won't lie. That morning I had stayed up way too late so
when she told me she had a plus sign, It took me a second to figure out exactly
what that meant.
For a while we did not tell anyone. We did not want to get
too excited, the first 12 weeks are a rough time, and not everyone makes it
through it. Since that time though as the weeks have gone by we are just
getting more and more excited. We started a registry the other day, your room
is ready, we have a few small things to do before you get here but we will be
ready. I have waited my whole life to meet you, and we will get to soon. It has
not been an easy road. We have had the ups and downs, but I want you to know
that I am in your corner, no matter what. Sometimes you will stumble, that is
when you get back up and just keep going. Sometimes you will make some
mistakes, make sure that you correct them and do right the next time. You are
what would have been called in any other time a miracle, and we are glad to
welcome you here. I will do my best to help you learn and grow, to teach you to
be a good man, but regardless of how things go, always remember that we want
you here, and we are excited to meet you.
-Dad
