Punchy,
In life you will find people who want you to do your best. They want you to succeed because they believe in you. You will also find people who tear you down because it somehow makes them feel better about themselves. You may not always know which are which, but I want you to know that the ones you want to spend time with are the ones who build you up, not tear you down. It can be complicated, but it is worth it.
In life, may I suggest you build relationships and friendships with people who want you around, enjoy your company, encourage you when you are down, and sometimes push you to be a better person. Is it hard to be with these people? Is it hard to be one of these people? It can be. When they want you to give it your all and you do not feel like it it can be a hard. There are people all over the world who believe in me. Many of them are my friends in HEMA. My Instructor is one of them, there have been times he has told me that he feels like I am, or at times can be one of the best in class. I have friends who live long long car rides away who are, right now, trying to help me get better at what and how I practice because they see in me the potential to do better. I may never be the best in the world, but that does not matter, what means the world to me is that I have people who believe in me and support me.
At the end of June, I went to my second Combat Con. For the steel tournament they had a new rule. In order to compete you had to pass a cutting qualifier. I was worried about it and so I asked one of my friends who lives in California for some help. He posted a video for me that gave me some pointers. At the end of the day I knew that whatever happened I was going to go in there and give it my all. I failed. Not as bad as others had but it was crushing for me. I was not out of competing, but I was out of doing the steel tournament. I told your mom via Text about it and her first response was "Sad. At least you can compete in synthetic." After a weak response of "yep" she said "What can we do so you can pass next time?" That was it. No time in the muck, no time to feel bad about myself and how much I was not doing what I wanted to. What do we need to do to make sure that it goes better next time? I went on to do well in my matches and had it not been for some mistakes on my part I would have done much better in my pool matches.
After it was all said and done I came home with friends who want to see me succeed. I have sent video to them and they have sent me feedback. They are my away team, the guys I know will stand in my corner if I do not have someone to do it for me. They want to see me succeed because they believe I can. Those kind of people are the right people to have around. People who know you can do better, and encourage you to do it. They are not always the easiest people to hang out with. Sometimes pushing you means that when you fail it feels like you have let the team down. It means that they encourage you and sometimes that looks like being pushy, but I would rather a world full of those kind of people then a world full of friends who tear you down so they feel better about themselves; the later are not worth spending time with.
People who tear you down do not care if you are there or not. They take joy in making you look bad or in showing just how much you are inferior to them. To be honest, these kind of people are not secure in themselves so they need you to make them feel better. You may feel like you have failed the people who build you up, but they will not be the ones to make you feel that way. With people who build you up they know what it is like to feel like you have failed, and they will help you move on to fixing it. With people who tear you down, even a minor mistake is cause for making you feel like you have majorly messed up. You cannot avoid these people, they may be a part of your life, but you can limit the control they have over you.
Spend time with people who push you intellectually, people who take joy in your successes (not credit for them), people who see the best you can be, even if you cannot see it yourself. People who build you up even if it means that sometimes they push you past limits you think you have. They are the best coaches, the best teachers. Not the ones who mark something wrong and leave it at that but who look at what you are missing and ask, "What do we need to do so you pass next time.". They may be few and far between but they are the ones you want on your team, and the best way to get them on yours is to find people whom you can do the same for, find people you believe in, and encourage them.
The more you build people up the better off you leave the world.
-Dad
