90 Days.
90 Day action plan,
a Quarter of a year(ish)
That is how long it is until you are due. little guy.
At Costco last night we saw the first of the Halloween costumes. Normally, I would roll my eyes and complain that it was far too early. This year though we are not excited for Halloween, or the Great Pumpkin Festival (something we are not hosting this year), but you, little man. I told your mom last night that I am running out of topics that I can think of easily to write to you about, then she gave me a few things that will be on the docket coming up soon. Because some things at work, today I am going to tackle a topic I do not talk or think much about, mostly because I feel I handle it alright most of the time but we could all do better. Respect.
In life you will be asked to respect a lot of things, people, places, things, (all nouns, you are never asked to respect a verb, or an adjective or an adverb) opinions, even yourself. There will be things you disagree about or dislike. Maybe it is someones belief about something you do not agree with, their politics, faith, way of doing something. I ask you one thing in this, you do not have to roll over and let their right overpower your own, but you do have to be respectful about it. That means not calling them dumb or attacking them over the disagreement, they are not the point of the contention, that opinion or belief is. You may find yourself not agreeing with what people do or say. That is no excuse to attack them as a person for it.
Respect means that you hold yourself in high enough regard that you can tell the truth about the situation and if needed, get out of it. Say you are at a party and someone is smoking. Respect says that you do not have to punch them in the face to get them to stop, you can ask them to do so somewhere else, or not to do so at all around you, or if you were the one who walked where they were, if you do not like it you can go some place else. The root of respect is that you value yourself enough that you get out of the situation if it bothers you or have a discussion with them about it, but never insult or fight them as a person. Online, it can be easy to argue, call people dumb, make fun of something they enjoy or what have you. Just because it is easy does not make it right.
It all comes down to respecting yourself enough that if you disagree, you can talk about it but leave it there. The moment you attack someones beliefs or opinions, or something they hold dear, they can take it as an attack on them and that is a sure fire way to get them to shut down and not even consider your point of view; this goes doubly for politics and religion.
You see, people identify with some things. They say "I am a Christian", "I am a Liberal", "I am an Atheist" and it all means something very personal to them. The moment you attack it, it can be seen as you in essence saying "I disagree with you about X which means it is invalid, which in turn means you are invalid" it is a tough thing to feel. What I encourage you to do is to ask them what that thing means to them, find the common ground. There will be people who say "I am Christian." and wear it as a badge of honor, but if you are not sure what that means to them ask, respectfully. You may be surprised the answers you get, or the common ground you find.
No matter whether you agree with someone, you must respect them, and their right to believe it. Years ago I was at a Gay Pride festival, and there were protesters there. There were also people who were trying to provoke a response from them by kissing in front of them. That is the wrong way to respect each other. They have a right to protest. That does not mean you have to agree with their "God Hates Fags" signs but they have a right to protest. Just like you have a right not to listen or talk to them, you can respect them by not giving them power over you and your actions. Remember, Respect is first and formost about respecting yourself. The moment you give someone else the control over you, you have stopped respecting yourself.
If I am at a bar, and someone punches me who is in control of my actions? I am. I am always at choice about my actions. Because they hit me does it mean that I have to break their nose? Nope. Is it an option? If it needed to be yes, if it was the only way I am going to get out of the situation, yes, should it always be an option on the table? Nope. Respecting yourself is all about being in control of you and the things you do. Do you have to get into every fight out there? If you feel like you do, I have to ask what do you think about yourself, that you have to fight every time you can. A man looking for fight is sure to find one. Respect all starts with you. You control your actions and your words. Just because you think of a sly comeback does not mean that you have to insult someone with it. Respect is about playing on your court by your rules, don't like what someone else thinks or says? You do not have to play with them, you may have to work with them, or go to the same school or the like, but you do not have to be their friend. Respect is about playing on your field making your choices about how to respond, even if sometimes the response is to walk away so you are not getting any more hurt. That is a part of being a self respecting human.
-Dad
